This picture caught my eye - partly because I LOVE daisies (we received a vase of 55 of them at Rick's memorial service - thank you BEV ♥) and partly because it represents that even in barren places (kind of like life has felt for the past 4 months), God can let BEAUTY (like this daisy - and some of the "good stuff" that happened today) break through!

. . .  today was quite a day!  Work was good, pretty normal (as normal as a middle/high school office can be!)!  Just before I left for the evening, I had a nice chat with my boss.  I was again reminded of how BLESSED I am to have a Christian boss and several Christian co-workers . . . in the midst of a "public" school - that is a big part of why returning to work was such a good thing for me!

After work, I stopped and tanned and then got my things together to run (literally) to church!  But, it was REALLY windy and I had grabbed a backpack which made running pretty awkward, so walking it was (in the rain just before I got to church!).  Our newly formed "ladies group" met for the second time tonight, and I left just feeling BLESSED! ♥ 

As if that wasn't ENOUGH to send me to bed contented, I also got an e-mail from "Circle of Moms" . . .

Thank you, thank you, thank you to EVERYONE who voted and kept us in the TOP 25!!  A total of 122 blogs from all over were included, so, I'm thinking to make it into the TOP 25 (actually tied for #16) isn't bad for a "brick-layer's family from Wallace"!  . . . That is a reference to what "Uncle Gary" (the funeral director) said to me after Rick's memorial service!  He told me it was one of the largest services they had ever had and that it wasn't "bad for a brick-layer from Wallace"!  What a compliment, and a testimony to my dear Rickey . . . even MORE proof of HOW LOVED he was, and how WELL he loved others!  I'm just so sad that my blogging "success" has to have come at such a price. :(  I HAVE prayed though, since that moment in the hospital when I said to the girls "Daddy IS IN HEAVEN", that somehow, someway, GOD would be glorified.  That Rick's legacy of love for us, the outdoors, others and HIS LORD could be shared and bring others to HIM!  Maybe this is part of the answer to that prayer!  Please pray with me that GOD WOULD BE GLORIFIED through this!

Taya came to Tessa this evening, after the contest closed and said to Tessa, "Mom's blog of "inspiring families" finished in 16th place . . . know what that means? . . . We're INSPIRING"!! If she only knew!  Those 5 kids ARE my inspiration!  They ARE my tangible link to their wonderful Daddy.  They ARE the lights in my life . . . and I LOVE THEM WITH ALL MY HEART! ♥

Here's where you come in . . . I have to complete an "on-line interview" in the next couple of weeks (by MARCH 21).  Part of that is to include my 3 "favorite" posts.  I'm not SURE what ones I'd choose!  If you have time, could you read back through and let me know what YOUR favorites were? You can comment BELOW to let me know, or if you'd rather be more "private" you can e-mail me at rickslegacy@gmail.com.  I'd really appreciate your help!

As I turn in tonight, I'm {again} amazed by my GREAT GOD who can do exceedingly, abundantly above ALL that I could ever ask or think!  To HIM be the power and the honor and the glory FOREVER! ♥

...make me feel special!

 . . . when my eyes aren't on HIM, NOTHING goes right!

That's not very profound, but, oh, so true.  Yesterday, that was the theme of my day.  Poor me, it's the 5th.  Poor me, most people forgot exactly WHAT the 5th means to me.  Poor me . . . . Now, SOME of the things in my day yesterday DID stink.  Let's be real!  Of course it did!  But, if I continue to dwell on all the details that piled up, life would become overwhelming.  If I don't look to the Lord and give it ALL to HIM, I will be overtaken!  I heard a good quote the other day, I know I won't get it exactly right, but it basically said, "When Satan comes knocking, just say, Jesus, will you get that for me?"  I like that . . . the REMINDER to give it ALL to Jesus, ALL the time!

I also recently read that you should imagine that every person that you come in contact with is wearing a sign around their neck that says, "Make me feel special"!  So, today, when my devo read:

Continue on this path with Me, enjoying My Presence even in adversity . . . I am always before you, as well as alongside you . . . I am everywhere at every time, ceaselessly working on your behalf . . . 

Well, THAT was a good reminder, EVEN IN ADVERSITY (I sure felt like there was LOTS of that yesterday) . . . I am ALWAYS before you (I'm not worried about tomorrow, Jesus is already there!) as well as ALONGSIDE you (holding my hand, step-by-step!).  So He's in my tomorrow, He's right alongside me, and He was there yesterday . . . "Where can I go from Your  Spirit?  Where can I flee from Your Presence?"  Psalm 139:7.

With that reminder greeting me first thing this morning, I decided that I WOULD try to imagine every person I came in contact with wearing that sign:

MAKE ME FEEL SPECIAL!

I certainly failed, many times throughout the day.  BUT, what a difference it made in my outlook . . . the thought kept coming back to me, it's not about ME, make "them" feel special!  The outlook of my day changed!  I'm going to try it again tomorrow, and hopefully it will become a habit!

A quick update on yesterday's "trials" . . . no visits or phone calls from the police today . . . only one or two red trucks . . . no emergency calls while my girls were "out and about" . . . no sitting "alone" at a sporting event . . . and a VERY helpful person in billing at the hospital . . . she is taking care of everything and couldn't have been more apologetic and helpful! ♥  God redeems my "mess" and still chooses to BLESS me!

Tonight after school, I went running (it was SO NICE outside!) and I went tanning (to get ready for Georgia!)!  I actually ran to where I tan (not an intentional rhyme!), which is just over 1.5 miles from home.  I tanned and then ran back home!  So a good workout and some relaxation all in one shot!  There was NOTHING else on our agenda either.  Tessa got home from work just as I got home from my run, and we all stayed home the rest of the evening!  It was so NICE - even though it's after 10 and I'm STILL UP!  I'm on track to turn in earlier than most nights though!

God IS good.  Life IS hard.  Where I put my trust and where my eyes are fixed WILL determine the course of my day.  I'm praying that I will continue to learn that lesson.  It's the way Rick lived!  I don't think he ever heard the "Make Me Feel Special" thought, yet, that IS how he lived - he had a genuine interest in others, in what they were doing, in how they were doing, he DID make people feel special.  Amazing how I'm still learning from him!  I don't think that will ever change - I hope that never changes!  Thank you Rickey for always making us feel special, and Lord, help me to do the same for others! ♥

 . . . and speaking of RICKEY . . . less than 24 hours to vote in the Top 25 contest.  I'm still in it - and never imagined I'd be.  I'm praying that if God wants me to share Rick's legacy and God's goodness in this way that I will end up in the top 25 . . . and if not, I'll know that's from HIM as well!  Thanks to all who have voted.  I DID receive an e-mail this morning from the administrators of the site letting me know that I was currently in the top 25 and if I stayed there,  I'd hear something within 48 hours of the close of the contest (4:00 p.m. PST tomorrow 3/7)!  I'll keep you posted!

He KNOWS me, He LOVES me, He has a PLAN for me!

4 months . . . 

1/3 of a year . . . 

4 months ago this morning, I woke up to my BEST FRIEND leaning over me to softly give me a kiss on the cheek before he headed out to finish up a side job he was working on.  He wanted to finish it in time for us to go up to my Dad's camp for noon.  He wanted to finish it up so it would be done for HUNTING SEASON.  So he got up early, quietly got ready and softly and gently kissed me on the cheek . . . . 

12 hours later, I was sitting in the living room, stunned, with the computer on my lap as I "penned" his obituary . . . . 

HE knows me.

HE loves me.

HE has a plan for me.

Little did I know that 4 months ago, HIS plan for my life would VEER so strongly off of the course I had planned for my life.

HE knows me.

HE loves me.

HE has a plan for me.

..........

He KNOWS me...

"And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered" . . . Matthew 10:30

HE KNOWS ME!

He LOVES me...

  ♪♫♪♫   "Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so" ♪♫♪♫

HE LOVES ME!

He has a PLAN for me...

"For I know the plans I have for you."  Jeremiah 29:11

HE HAS A PLAN FOR ME!

Do I understand this plan?  NO!  Do I believe he LOVES me?  YES  Do I believe he KNOWS me?  YES!  

...Though many things feel random and wrong, remember that I am sovereign over EVERYTHING . . . I can fit everything into a pattern for good, but only to the extent that you trust me . . . the CHOICE is up to you, and you will have to choose many times each day whether to trust Me or defy me.   ~  Jesus Calling

I think I've mentioned before that it is a CHOICE.

I had a CHOICE in the E.R. 4 months ago . . . BELIEVE Rick was in Heaven or not.  I chose to believe!  Daily, hourly, moment by moment, I have to CHOOSE to believe and TRUST . . . and some days, it's tough.

Today was tough.  This is the kind of anniversary is not the kind of anniversary I WANT to be marking time with, yet, I am.  

Today was 4 months.

As I put my blinker on to turn off of the highway for work this morning, I had to stop and wait for oncoming traffic . . . A RED FORD PICKUP TRUCK . . . OUCH!  Lord, I CHOOSE to look to YOU today.

The phone rang, I looked at the caller ID, the name and number were TOO FAMILIAR . . . it was the police officer who came to my home that day . . . and who visited all of our family, notifying them of Rick's accident.  But, this is a SMALL town, it wasn't "just" the officer, he's a family friend.  Rick, Jim & Tony built his house.  Rick went fishing with him.  Our kids swam with his kids in their pool.  We watched the fireworks from his front porch . . . Lord, I CHOOSE to give my anxieties to YOU today.

Tessa had to go to the orthodontist today, shortly after she left, some of the boys who are on the volunteer fire department raced out - they had gotten a fire call . . . as irrational as it was, I worried they were responding to a car crash, and of course my mind had me convinced it was Tessa . . . because it's the 5th of the month and bad things happen on the 5th . . . it wasn't Tessa and it wasn't a bad fire - it was a controlled burn and Tessa made it safely to the ortho and back!  Lord,  I'm TRYING to give it all over to you!

The "officer" mentioned above stopped in at my office later this afternoon . . . in UNIFORM . . . OUCH . . . the same officer who hugged me as he told me "there's been an accident" . . . 4 months ago today.  Lord, Lord, I'm TRYING Lord, but this is hard!

I went to what was the last basketball of the season (Districts and we lost) tonight.  And sat "alone" in a gym full of people again tonight.  Lord, THANK YOU that you NEVER leave me or forsake me!

Driving home, I was following a pickup truck, with an AMERICAN FLAG and EAGLE in the back window (yep, you guessed it . . . that was in the back window of Rick's truck) . . . LORD, really, don't you remember what day it is????  I'm CHOOSING to trust, but can it stop now?

Pulling in the driveway, I grabbed the mail . . . something must have been coded wrong, a STILL OUTSTANDING E.R. bill was DENIED PAYMENT . . . now I have to appeal . . . LORD, WHAT ARE YOU TEACHING ME TODAY??

"Be still my child.  Be still and KNOW.  I know you.  I love you, I have a plan for you."

Yes, moment by moment, I have to CHOOSE to trust . . . maybe my senses were too "keen" today . . . maybe I put too much into the fact that it was the 5th of the month . . . maybe not . . . either way, I STILL had to CHOOSE.  I had to CHOOSE to believe that each and every incident that came into my life today was orchestrated by a LOVING GOD, or was just random "coincidence".  Even though it was a 'tough" day, I CHOOSE to believe that each and every moment of today and each and every day - including EVERY MOMENT of November 5, WAS orchestrated by a LOVING GOD because . . . 

HE HAS A PLAN FOR ME!

"We are assured and know that all things work together and are for good to and for hose who love God and are called according to His design and purpose"  Romans 8:28

4 months ago, I never dreamed I'd be blogging about the lessons God has been teaching me, the love I still have for Rick, the challenges of being a single mom, the LOVE God has for HIS children, the HOPE that sustains me, yet here I am.  Trying as best I know how to share Rick's legacy . . . praying that as I do, GOD will be GLORIFIED, asking that you "vote" for my blog to stay in the "Top 25" so HIS PLAN FOR US can be shared with more people, so that maybe, someday, someone reading here will get to meet Rick in Heaven as they meet their Lord and Savior FACE TO FACE!

My husband has changed his address to HEAVEN, but someday we'll be reunited when my earthly journey is done.  Until then, I focus on completing what God has for me to do here! (borrowed from a Facebook status)

"For I KNOW the plans I have for you . . . plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans to give you HOPE and a future"

♥

Psalm 139 . . . STILL one of my FAVORITE passages in the BIBLE!

And tonight, sweet Renee sent me an e-mail . . . "Hi Sheila,  Just wanting to let you know I will be praying for you and the girls tomorrow.  I will be praying that you feel God's presence ... and then she inserted Psalm 139:1-13 ..."!!

Yes, tomorrow is the 5th of the month.  Thankfully there is only one 5th of the month - as opposed to the Saturday's that come 4 or 5 times a month ... yet, the day comes.  I know it's coming.  I think about it coming.  I remember WHAT I was doing 4 months ago RIGHT now . . . I remember.  The remembering seems to be getting "sweeter" though.  The horror of November 5 is, and I'm sure will always be there, yet, I'm able to remember more of all of the GOOD that "was".  I don't remember "just" the "sharp-ness" of that day.  God gently gives me good memories to hang on to, funny stories, happy moments, silly jokes, reminders from the girls, and other friends who loved Rick along with me!  Stories about "beautiful" chicken coops, and mounted deer heads.  Stories and memories that bring a smile to my face!  Memories, stories, and more importantly, GOOD FRIENDS!  Good friends who, in spite of me being "prickly" at times, listen to me, hear me through my ramblings that sometimes are a little irrational, and LOVE me anyway!  The love me enough to send me e-mails, and texts and Facebook messages.  They love me IN SPITE of me!

Today, the sermon at church was about the community of LOVE that the church must be.  It was SO GOOD!  And since I CAN'T fit Pastor Fred's TWO HOUR (!!) sermon here, you'll just have to take my word for it, OR you can click HERE and choose "Pastor Fred sermons" - Core Value 3 COMMUNITY Living in Love 3-4-12 and listen to it yourself! (It wasn't REALLY 2 hours long!)  

In a "nutshell", I have felt "unloved" at times over the past 4 months, and have tried to share my feelings with others, sometimes unsuccessfully - mostly because I didn't express myself real well, OR with LOVE!  I have come to realize though, that I don't "love well" either.  So, along with ALL the other lessons that I have learned from Rick, through his life and his death, I'm working on loving better . . . a lesson we all need to learn.  Life is so much better if we can just do this.  Love each other as CHRIST loved us.  Love EAGERLY!  No, not always easy, but commanded over and over in scripture. And a wonderful lesson to learn and cling to.  For in LOVING, we are BLESSED! 

So, tonight, I'd like to thank all of the people who HAVE loved me (us) SO WELL for the past 4 months!  THANK YOU for the love, prayers, hugs, words of encouragement, fun memories you share of Rick, the meals, offers of help, gift cards, flowers, cards, texts, e-mails, Facebook messages . . . for ALL of it . . . THANK YOU!

As I work on LOVING better, life becomes more peaceful, I have more joy, I am more thankful . . . GOD is more glorified!

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

And, speaking of loving and being loved . . . below is the picture of the "beautiful" chicken coop mentioned earlier this week!  I'll be printing this picture and keeping it on my desk at work, and maybe on my fridge at home . . . as a reminder of the fact that others loved Rick and are missing him too, and that in that, they are LOVING us through this "leg" of our journey!

p.s. . . . please remember to keep VOTING - through WEDNESDAY 3/7! ♥  

♥l♥o♥v♥i♥n♥g♥

"How precious to me are Your thoughts, God!  How vast is the sum of them!"

Psalm 139:17

I'm realizing that I'm developing a BAD pattern . . . I TRY to fit too much into each day, running out of "daylight" before I'm through with all of the "to-do" lists running around in my mind.  So, tonight, my goal is to be quick, though that's easier said than done!

My days are so full of blessings from God, reminders of Rick, and moments that I want to share, that some days it's hard to pick WHAT to write!   My days are filled with lots of loving . . . even on the "bad" days, I'm always reminded that HE is always thinking of me and LOVING me!

Even though today was a SATURDAY, it WAS a good day.  God makes each one just a little easier!  The girls & I did some shopping, some wandering and looking, some cleaning and some cooking (and baking).  Along with some crafting, lots of laughing and lots of loving!  I AM learning to savor moments better, and to appreciate the little things (like coming in to my room finding that Kajsa made the bed for me - including putting on the clean sheets!)!

Tonight, though, I want to pause for a moment to mention two very special people in my life.  I share often about my girls as they are all living with me.  I spend each day with them.  So, naturally, they are a topic of my writings on a regular basis.  Tonight though, I'd like to give a huge shout-out to my two "other kids"!  I'm not their mom.  I never have been, and never will be.  They have a wonderful  mom who did a GREAT job raising them!  I though, have the honor of calling them my step-kids and for that, I'm thankful and proud!  Life as a step-family was NOT always easy.  It was REALLY hard at many points if I want to be completely honest!  However, God in HIS perfect timing, made being a step-family much better in the past few years!  The "big" kids became more involved in our family - and Rick in their lives.  God restored broken relationships and allowed restoration in many relationships involved in this step-family journey!  Because Rick, and the "big kids" mom have allowed me (and their step-dad) to love on their kids, I have received BLESSINGS beyond measure!  I was reminded of this tonight as I received a Facebook message from Ashley.  She just wanted to say, she (they) love me and she wanted me to know she was thinking about me!  She wanted me to know that even though we don't talk every day, they think of me often and that the girls and I are in her thoughts and prayers - as she is in ours!  

Yes, Rick left a LEGACY!  He left a LEGACY of living and loving, giving and forgiving, loving life and loving God, and he left me 5 of the greatest treasures that I could ever ask for!  I am so THANKFUL for each and every one of these 5 kids (and spouses and the grand kids)!

Yes, God does think of me CONSTANTLY, and He sends these wonderful children to me as a tangible reminder that HE is ALWAYS there!  He sends me them to love and be loved! ♥

I love you Nickolas Roger, Ashley Beth , Tessa Joy, Taya Jill & Kajsa Jo ♥

(Ashley Marie, Brian, Presten, Daila, Maddie, Ty & Lila too!♥)

Jesus + nothing = EVERYTHING!

Tonight, this is really ALL I need to know!

If I have JESUS, I have EVERYTHING!

But, it sure is nice to know that I also have my AWESOME friends, my AMAZING family, my BEAUTIFUL girls, my FANTASTIC step-kids & grand-kids that HE has blessed me with . . . helping me through each day!

Let's see . . . there is the friend who sees me sitting alone at the basketball game (about the time I updated my Facebook status to say: "Going places alone is just not as fun as going with Rick :(") . . . and texts me "Hello...u can sit over here if u want"!  So even though I was heading into a full blown pity party, feeling all alone in a gym full of people, I wasn't alone, I had GOD and I had friends!  The other friend who walked with me out of the gym and told me, "Basketball is almost over, when it is, we are taking you out to eat - so be ready for it!".  My brother-in-law who I texted with throughout the game, while they "hunkered down" in their basement as a tornado was bearing down on their town (THANKFULLY they are safe!).  The MANY sweet friends who commented on my ^^ Facebook status, reminding me of their constant love for me!  My SWEET, SILLY girls who had me laughing all the way home (as we crawled through the slush at 35 mph!) . . . 

Tonight, as I settle in, 2 of them are quietly sleeping next to me, the other reading in her room . . . and I am again peaceful.  I am again refreshed.  I am again reminded of the INSANE changes that have taken place in the last (almost) 4 months - yet even in the INSANITY, Jesus has been our EVERYTHING . . . He has provided for us in every way, every day, in each moment.  Sending just what we need, just when we need it - be it food, money, the love of friends, a much needed hug, a shoulder to cry on, or just the reminder that we are not EVER alone!

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest . . . you will find rest for your souls"  Matthew 11:28-29

**and can I remind you to VOTE - once every 24 hours - through 3/7/12**

y.i.k.e.s.!!

It's late, I'm tired and WE HAVE SCHOOL TOMORROW!!

I worked at school on Monday.  Tuesday I worked the election - and though that is a LONG day, it is a day I do really enjoy!  It's fun to see people that I don't see on a regular basis, and it's always fun to catch up and visit with my election workers!  THEN . . . we had 2 SNOW DAYS !!!  So, 6:15 is going to come WAY TOO FAST tomorrow morning, but, on a POSITIVE note, it is FRIDAY!! 

When something in your life or thoughts makes you anxious, come to Me and talk about it . . . "Thank You Jesus, for this opportunity to trust You more". . . though the lessons of trust that I send to you come wrapped in difficulties, the benefits far outweigh the cost . . .My Peace, is such an all-encompassing gift that it is independent of all circumstances.  Though you lose everything else, if you gain My Peace you are rich indeed.  ~ Jesus Calling

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You.  Isaiah 26:3

Again, another reminder of the PEACE that passes understanding!

The last couple of posts, I have asked you to click on the 

"CIRCLE OF MOMS TOP 25 VOTE FOR ME" button on the side bar.  If you have voted, THANK YOU . . . I have moved up to #20 and am inching towards #19!

Someone asked me what I "win" if I end up in the "Top 25", and that's a good question!  There is no monetary prize or no "gift" that will be received.  The "Circle of Moms" network reaches millions of moms and tries to connect them with resources they need.  In making it into one of their top 25 lists, your blog is featured and promoted.  They do a short interview (not sure if it's written or by phone??) and you receive a "button" for your blog to link to that interview.  Really, that's it.  What it would give is more exposure to our story, to Rick's story & his legacy and to God's story . . . the one He is writing for us every day!

I like to talk (duh!) and I enjoy writing.  I used to think that someday I'd like to be able to be like one of those ladies at "women's retreats" who are the speakers, or that one day, I'd like to write something that could encourage people.  But, I led kind of a quiet, unassuming life.  I never felt like I had much of a "story" to tell . . . raised in a Christian home, pretty much a "good' Christian girl, no drugs, no alcohol . . . you know, nothing that makes a "story"!  Shortly after Rick's death, my mom said, "Well, NOW you have a story to tell"!  And she was right!  I have prayed since then that I would be able to reach others through this tragedy in our lives.  For again, I must say, our "tragedy" was Rick's greatest VICTORY!  Our loss was his GAIN.  His legacy has become MY story.  If others can be drawn closer to God through this, that is my prayer, and I KNOW that would be Rick's prayer as well.  He'd LOVE to see each and every person who hears our story in Heaven someday . . . and I bet he'll be RIGHT there waiting you welcome you . . . just like he was every Sunday at the doors of Country Bible Church!

So, that's it.  There isn't a big "prize" that I'm shooting for.  Actually, to keep writing is to continue to grieve publicly. Yet, it is also a way to praise publicly.  I'm trusting God for direction in this!  If He wants me to share on a "broader scale" He will open the doors He wants opened, if not, He will close them!  I'd still LOVE to have you keep on voting for me - the contest runs through 5:00 p.m. PST March 7, 2012!  

Thank you! ♥