{my.why}

alright ... here it is as best as i can put it into words 

{and maybe with more honesty than you want}!

back in may of 2016 when i joined lularoe, i had a dream & no i'm not trying to sound all mlk, jr., but i did have a dream!

or a vision.

a vision of what i thought my boutique would be.

what i thought it could be.

what i wanted it to be.

here's what i "saw" ... 

i saw a cozy little "boutique" type room in my home. 

a room with some clothing racks with some fun, cute, not your "ordinary" clothes that you could come and try on and feel pretty in.  a place where you could maybe find something a little "out of the ordinary" or "out of the box" for you that you loved and that made you feel good!  

i envisioned a cozy little corner in that room with a couple of chairs where we could have a cup of coffee and a chat ... about your kids or life, your relationship with God, where you were safe to laugh or cry or just have a shoulder to lean on if you needed it.

unfortunately what i envisioned is not where i found myself about two months ago!

about two months ago, i found myself sitting on the floor in my lularoom {there certainly was not room for cozy little chairs} in a room filled with 400+ pairs of leggings and 600+ pieces of other inventory wondering what i was doing!

i began to pray in earnest about what God wanted me to do with this business  that i was beginning to fear i had allowed to take over my life. 

i had allowed it to take over my priorities {God, husband, family ... and THEN everything else} and i had let it take over my home. i didn't go to the bathroom or take a "relaxing" bath without my phone by my side. i didn't enjoy my daughter's bridal shower without checking my phone. i didn't go out to dinner with my husband, to church to worship God or to get my hair done without being attached to my phone! i answered comments, private messages and claims from the time i got up in the morning until the time i went to bed at night. i checked notifications before getting out of bed in the morning and i sometimes even checked it if i got up to use the bathroom at 2:00 a.m.!

earlier in the spring, i had "cruise qualified", meaning i had sold $12,000 in inventory in one month and i wanted to do it again ... and again and again! because if i did for 6 consecutive months, i'd earn a cruise.

i'd earn a cruise, but at what cost?

when i began to sell this clothing, i was asked to state my "why" and that was easy for me or so i thought. i loved the clothes and felt good when wearing them! i loved visiting my sponsor's home and sitting with her in her lularoom and having those heart to heart chats about the clothing and so much more. i knew what it was like to feel alone in a room full of people after becoming an unexpected widow at the age of 45. i knew what it felt like to need to buy plus size clothing, but feeling like none of it was very attractive. i "got it" so finding a why was easy!

i wanted women to come to my home and leave wearing an outfit that made them feel good about themselves for the first time in a long time. or maybe even for the first time in their lives. i added to my why that i wanted those women to always know they were loved and that they were not alone in the world.

though i still love those reasons, and there is still a ring of truth to them, in may of this year, i'd lost sight of even that in my quest to add to my inventory, to "go deep" by buying more so i could sell more. i found myself feeling buried in a room full of inventory that i had no idea how i was ever going to move.  i was beginning to feel smothered in the room that was supposed to be my happy place, that was supposed to be you, my customer's safe place.  

and so, i began to pray.  at first, i kept this little secret tucked away safely in my heart, praying for some clarity while putting a smile on my face, ordering more inventory and plodding along.

finally, i had to share the burden, and did so with rick, simply asking him to pray along with me for clarity, which we both did. we also began to have some hard conversations about what.to.do. 

we decided to wait on a few things and continued to pray for clarity.

a few more things came up that seemed to point in the direction of me leaving lularoe, but i just wasn't ready to do it ... yet, so we continued to pray!

last weekend, as i was really struggling with what.to.do, rick felt the nudge that we needed to go forward at church during the alter call to ask our pastor to pray for and with us, telling him only that we needed "direction".  while he prayed, my eyes filled with tears as he verbalized my exact prayers that i'd been praying for months ... except i'd not shared them with him!

no, we weren't hit by a lightening bolt during that prayer. we didn't walk out of church and see an airplane pulling a banner telling us what to do! we went to bed that night, like so many nights before still praying for clarity and direction.

on monday, rick had to run some errands and while he was gone, it was if God turned on a lightbulb and i had an answer. i texted rick and told him as as much. when he came home, we talked again, and made the decision to end my journey with lularoe. it was sad. it was a relief. it was scary.

i still love lularoe. i love the blessings it brought into my life and the friendships it brought my way. i have "sister" consultants who i believe will be my friends for life. i have customers who have supported me in amazing ways and continue to do so. i've seen it from those of you who have shopped with me in the past and have reached out to me this week and are excited to see where my next adventure is taking me. 

i.am.blessed. 

& it is because of lularoe ... so this is in no means a "bash lularoe" post. there are some things that i don't agree with. there are some business practices that i've seen with lularoe that i'm not extremely pleased with but over all, in the past 14 months, lularoe has brought far more blessing into my life than not, so i leave with a thankful heart.

but i leave. because it is time.

i leave with peace.

i leave knowing that God's hand was in it and i have the full support of my husband and my family.

i leave knowing that my customers are in good hands with my lulasisters.

and, i leave excited because i'm taking a little turn in the road and it's exciting to me.

i leave knowing that in my new journey, i'll set boundaries! i won't be attached to my phone 24/7. i'll set business hours and stick to them. i'll make sure that my priorities are in order, and i'll re-check them on a regular basis!

i leave, knowing that i'm leaving one business, but starting another {actually two!} that can also be a blessing to you and i pray that they will be!  

i hope that if you've stuck with this blog post to this point, you'll stick with me on my business page over at 139sheilasplace.com to see where this journey takes us!

i also leave knowing that this year has helped me to re-write my why.  it has actually allowed me to turn my simple "why" into my prayer for myself, and for you ... 

♥

i do pray as i begin each day, that i can be a little light in your day and that when you leave me, either in person or in cyber-space, you'll leave knowing that i value you for you and am blessed to have you in my life!

xo,

sheila ♥