as the music ended and the congregation again sat down, i slid over a bit in the pew to make room for rickey. he was done handing out bulletins and greeting folks as they arrived at church that morning. as always, i leaned into him as he gently went to slide his arm around me, but this time it was different ... his arm was gone. wait, what happened to his arm, where is it i questioned as i awoke with start ...

this was one of the very few dreams i have had of rickey since he went to heaven in 2011. i clearly remember that dream to this day. i remember where in church i was sitting, what rickey was wearing, and the emptiness on the right side of his body where his arm should have been.

i also remember feeling shaken, and uneasy, and alone. very alone there in my bed in the dark of night.

i remember it took a bit to become fully awake and realize that it was the middle of the night. 

when that did happen, i remembered, rickey was gone.

he was not there in bed with me and he would not be sliding into the pew next to me at church ever again

it was a very vivid dream and one that is still vivid to this day.

in those moments of becoming fully awake, though admittedly i felt shaken, i was reminded of truth. i was reminded that even though rickey was no longer here on earth with me, he was fully alive in the presence of our Lord in heaven! i was reminded that even though for a moment, i felt very alone and shaken, i was not alone, never alone! i was reminded that it was just a dream. and i was reminded again of the truth in this verse from psalm 139.

"You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways."

God knows.

God sees.

God hears.

He knows my lying down. He is there when i awake with a start in the middle of the night from a dream that for a moment seems like reality. He is there when i toss and turn and cannot find rest. He searches out my path and He is acquainted with all my ways. 

the dream i had that night, and any other sleepless nights that i had before or have had since are known by Him. He has searched my path and is acquainted with all my ways.

when i am lying down and the night is dark and long and seems to stretch out before me as never ending. when worries and fear plague me {aren't they almost always the worst at 3 o'clock a.m.?} when sleep is elusive and my thoughts run wild ... 

He.is.there! 

He knows my lying down. my sleepless night may come as a surprise to me but He already knows of it, He was there before it began, He is there in the midst of it, and He will bring the dawn of a new day. 

He is acquainted with all my ways!

acquainted {adjective} = having personal knowledge

ahhh ... in that, i can rest. 

He, the God of the universe, the God who created everything has personal knowledge of me!

we are only 3 verses into this passage, yet we are again reminded of the personal knowledge that God has of us. we are reminded that He knows us.

He knows me.

He knows you.

when i sit, when i rise, when i lay down ... He knows and He is there!

the richness of this is almost too deep to grasp!

the next time you find yourself awake at 3 o'clock a.m., tossing and turning, wondering if sleep will ever come, remember this truth from God's word. 

He is there. He knows. He is with you!

surrender to Him. let His love flow into you and fill you. use that precious quiet time to turn your attention to Him. whisper His name. trust Him with any fears or anxieties you have ... fear and faith cannot abide together, so if that 3 a.m. wake-up has you fearful or anxious, simply whisper His name. remember He is acquainted with you. remember He is with you. remember He loves you!

dear Lord, when the dark of night seems to overtake me, when i am awake and anxious and i feel all alone, let me reach out to you! help me to remember day or night, sitting or rising, lying down or going about my day to day tasks, You are there. You care. You are acquainted with me. help me to simply whisper your name and to allow faith to overcome any fear that may be present. thank You for knowing me, for searching me and for loving me. help me to look to You and You alone to be my all. amen.

remember ... you are loved, cherished and adored!