{it.started.with.a.dream.&.a.prayer.on.a.beach}

someday, Lord?

when rickey died on 11/5/11, i seriously had no idea what God might have in store for me. at that moment and in the moments, and days and weeks that followed, i just knew that i needed to continue to trust in Him and to trust that He would lead me. and He did, ever so graciously! as that fall gave way to winter and then winter turned into spring, our lives moved forward, jobs and graduation and even vacations. the girls and i were blessed with some extra money in december and spent some of the week before Christmas in chicago, tim & rochet {rickey's brother & sister-in-law} opened up and shared their lake home with us over spring break and then 7 & 1/2 months into this new journey, at the end of june of 2012 tim & rochet most graciously invited the girls and i to crash the party that was their anniversary trip to pensacola beach ... and we accepted their most generous offer.

the girls and i packed up the escape until there was no room for one.more.thing and started out on a road trip that made memories to last a lifetime!

i have always loved the sun, the sand and the waves and had never had the opportunity to spend days just enjoying the combination of those 3 things like we did at the condo on pensacola beach. they were days that i cherished ... but, they were days filled with the sadness of not sharing them with rickey and of all unknowns of the future. they were days of watching families and couples and again "feeling alone in a crowd". i had just left a job of 8 years and accepted another, tessa had graduated and was looking at what to do for college. the not knowing what the future held, was scary but the days at the beach were healing for my soul and it was in those days that i dared begin to dream that maybe, just maybe God had more of life and "someone" to share my life with in store for me.

so, as i sat on that beach on those lazy june days soaking up the sun and the sand and listening to the waves crashing, and the seagulls calling and my beautiful girls playing in the waves, i dared to dream. 

i dared to dream and to pray that maybe, just maybe God not only had future plans for me that could be "good" again, but that maybe, just maybe He had a special "someone" out there for me as well!

it was that i began to pray that if God didn't intend for me to remain single that He would make the path clear. that He would show me the way. i was intrigued that i had these feelings. i was scared to death to think of "dating" again at 45 years old and i was just a little excited to think that maybe, just maybe someday, sometime, i'd sit on a beach ... maybe the one i was sitting on, maybe a different one, but that i'd sit on a beach chair with someone special to me. someone who let me know i wasn't "alone in a crowd". someone who loved me. someone to call my own. someone to hook pinkies with {you know, so we didn't leave tan lines}!

little did i know, or dream that sometimes, God answers your prayers sooner than later and a few weeks after that vacation, He brought rick into my life!

fast forward to today. today it is 5 years and 3 months to the day that i began to pray that prayer. to surrender to God that i was open if He had someone out there for me ... and tomorrow?  tomorrow, rick and i will board a plane at 6:00 a.m., a plane bound for san diego, california!

through unexpected twists and turns and a few unknowns with my home based business after following the unexpected prodding by God to leave lularoe and join amelia james, rick & i are leaving tomorrow morning for san diego.  we will be heading to a rep retreat for amelia james. a "retreat" in san diego, california ...  where we have a tiny little room at an airbnb ... a tiny little room with one other home separating us from the beach.  a beach with beach chairs, and sun, and sand, and ocean. a beach very similar to the one that i sat on 5 years and 3 months ago!

though i will have some meetings and training time, we will be there together. we will get to walk hand in hand on the beach, and sit in the sand or on a beach chair and "pinky hook".

and what makes this even more "cool"? sunday will be our last morning in san diego. since they are 2 hours ahead of us, we will most likely be up to see the sunrise. sunrise at the beach, together ... never forgetting the past or those who have played such important roles in our lives, but also looking forward to the future ... the future that God alone has in store for us. the future that He has already written!

and sunday ... though the dates were not planned by us ... sunday we will wake up at the beach, with the sun and the sand and the waves. a beach, just like where i first dreamed that maybe God had someone in my future who would love me and cherish me ... and sunday, sunday rick and i will celebrate our 5th anniversary ... and i can't think of a better way to celebrate!

i've been blessed!

{did.you.smile.at.yourself.today?}

rick & I just spent 2 days at a pretty intense training for some seriously serious businessmen and women!

for the most part, i felt totally out of their league if i'm being totally honest!

i asked rick as we drove home yesterday who his favorite speaker was and he, like me couldn't name just one!

well, i liked what ed o'keefe said about this, and ed clay, well he is just amazing, and jesse, well wow, jesse! and then there was rome, oh and vinnie, and yemeni .... oh, too many to remember and way too hard to pick a favorite!

although i felt a little out of place, i did take away many, many good bits of information and though much of the content was aimed at marketing and entrepreneurship and i'm not sure how or if i'll put most of what was shared into practice in my business, there was a common thread which i loved  ...

be grateful

build your tribe

family is the most important thing you have

be grateful

you become like the 20 people you hang around with most - choose wisely

be grateful

smile ... start each day smiling at yourself in the mirror for 60 seconds ... i loved this one because, remember, God is smiling at YOU .... He loved you and created you and you are cherished, loved and adored by Him ... start each day remembering THAT with a smile!

be grateful

date your wife {remember that one, rick!}

breathe

be grateful

read

expand your knowledge

take some time each day for yourself

eat well

exercise

be grateful

do you see a theme?  even though this wasn't a Christian training, the principals put into practice by these highly successful men had very Christian roots. we even received t-shirts that simply say "grateful" on the front! 

so today, i challenge you, stop what you are doing right now, and head into the bathroom {it's easier if you're alone} and set the timer on your phone for 60 seconds. now, look into the mirror and 

SMILE!

that's right, smile ... now keep on ... for 60 seconds!

ok, now breathe, in deeply through your nose ... ok, blow out the tension through your mouth ... in, deeply through your nose, and feel your stomach expand ... now breathe out through your mouth and pull your belly button towards your spine as you exhale fully ... once more, in through your nose, belly expands, and out through your mouth, pulling your belly in :) 

o.k. ... carry on and have a great friday! 

oh, yes, and never forget ... YOU are cherished, loved & adored!

{c.o.n.f.e.s.s.i.o.n.}

confession ...

i'm sitting here at my computer, hands poised ready to type but i can't see for the tears blurring my vision.

confession ...

i'm crying over a person i really don't know.

over what seems so unfair to my human mind.

so.seriously.unfair.

i got a text this morning {which to preserve privacy i'm going to change important details} which read ...

"don't know if you saw on facebook but *E* died this past weekend after a battle with cancer. *E* had a spouse and a 5 year old child. *E* was a believer, but i know you know how their spouse who is still here feels.".

i don't really know *E* but that doesn't matter, in an instant *E's* spouse and i have a connection ... we've joined the ranks of the one relationship that God has ordained to last "til death do us part" ... parents grow old {usually} and die ... sometimes, sadly parents outlive their children and children die ... or children do as is the *natural* order of life, they grow up and move on, as they are supposed to ... the marriage relationship is the only one that is commanded after that covenant is made at the alter to last "til death do us part" ... but what happens when that parting comes sooner than our human mind anticipated?

death is not.ever.easy to understand here on earth because we are human.

however, death.is.a.part.of.life.

it is a part of living and loving and allowing yourself to be vulnerable and opening yourself fully to that one person you have covenanted to love "til death do you part". it can come slowly after illness or it can come quickly, unexpectedly like a thief in the night.

just be assured ...

it.will.come ... as i was reminded this morning.

band-aid removed.

scab picked.

wound opened.

yes.it happens.

every time i hear of someone losing their spouse ... especially when the loss seems to have happened too early in our human minds. the wound is jarred just a little ... it will always remain for it is a battle scar that makes me who i am. and i have had to learn that that is o.k.!

yes. i have been given love again and am forever grateful, but human remembrance still remains, and sometimes is triggered when it is least expected. 

so the wound is re-opened in that i know how the spouse feels.and the acknowledgement that you know that i know how the spouse feels becomes a strangely healing balm. you know that i know ... you get that this road as the widow/widower is a unique one. hurt, yet healing all at the same time.

and ironically {?} you knowing that i know and today being the 5th of the month triggered tears that i didn't expect!

the 5th of the month ... the "day" of the month that our lives changed forever. a day i thought would ALWAYS be marked with remembrance .... 1 month ago today ... 5 months ago today ... 9 months ago today .... 33 months ago today .... but even that memory "fades". never forgotten, yet not so keenly sharp as in those first few "5th's" we encountered. 

yet today, today i woke up aware it was the 5th ... counted the "time" {5 years and 10 months} and was thankful. thankful that i am as aware today as i was on 11/5/11 that rickey is in heaven, celebrating with our Lord and Savior for all eternity {what a party that must be}. thankful for where i am today, for who i am today and for how God has shown himself to me over and over and over again in those 5 years and 10 months! i woke up thankful for the amazing gift of the man lying next to me who i was blessed with when God opened my heart and allowed me to love again! thankful for where God has led us and for the adventures we have coming up in the next 6 weeks {stay tuned for those}. thankful for 3 beautiful daughters who have followed their daddy's heart and love Jesus with all of theirs! thankful that God does work all things {even seemingly senseless tragedy} together for good.

so, yes, tears blur my vision. 

grief for another life that seems to have been cut way too short by earthly standards. a little one whose life is forever altered because a parent they adore is no longer here on this earth to love on them. grief for another parent left to do the job of 2. grief for a spouse left wondering how they are supposed to do it alone. grief for a family left grieving.

but, hope.

hope because God knows.  he knows the grief of this little one who will miss their parent forever. he knows the ache of the spouse who feels, right now, like their right arm has been ripped off.

hope because God knows. he knows the grief of the family and the questions of "why" and he holds every.single.one of the tears this dear family is crying in a bottle.

God knows.

while we in our human frailty don't know and can't understand, HE DOES. and therein lies the miracle of Him.

so i confess.

tears blur my vision ... tears of grief for human loss.

tears because of a simple but profound statement "i know you know how *E's* spouse feels".

tears of joy because another believer is home for eternity!

tears, because sometimes you just have to let them out so HE can catch them and hold them in a bottle for you ... and because i held mine in for way too long after losing rickey.

confession.

life is hard.

truth.

God is good.

all the time.

and

all the time

God is good!

{some.days}

some.days.

some days, i come here to write and i have so much i want to say, i shut my computer down, because there just isn't the time or the room, and surely i'll lose your interest by the time you've read 1/10 of what i've written!

i guess that means that i need to be a little less "wordy" ... or to try and condense my thoughts!

life has been a whirlwind lately!

i've left lularoe.

i decided to join a new company and for reasons known only to God, things just became clear that was not the direction to go, so i headed in a slightly different path, still along the same lines!

i'm now with a company called amelia james .... it is BRAND new with just about 500 reps nation wide, so i find that exciting! because of my experience with lularoe, i know that being on the "start up" end of a company, there will be hiccups, but hopefully they will be worth it!

i have so many loyal customers who stuck with me through the transition, that it's been pretty smooth!

as always, rick has encouraged and supported me in this venture and actually encouraged me to add a 2nd line to my "boutique" so i'm also selling for a company called essential bodywear which is absolutely amazing ... not as new of a company as amelia james, but still very small {less than 500 reps which is amazing}!

so far, i'm very pleased with both companies and excited to see where God takes all of this! 

rick and i have been busy enjoying the last days of summer and getting ready for a business trip to tennessee in september and then a family trip to the atlanta area in october for taya & justin's wedding!

thank you everyone who reads here regularly or occasionally or regularly for being here with me on my journey ... i really do plan to make blogging a more regular part of my daily routuine so stay tuned .... it may be about what we are eating today, what i've read, what we are doing or who knows ... sometimes i get a bit crazy!  

stay tuned and join me for the ride!

i love you all!

xo

sheila 

{my.why}

alright ... here it is as best as i can put it into words 

{and maybe with more honesty than you want}!

back in may of 2016 when i joined lularoe, i had a dream & no i'm not trying to sound all mlk, jr., but i did have a dream!

or a vision.

a vision of what i thought my boutique would be.

what i thought it could be.

what i wanted it to be.

here's what i "saw" ... 

i saw a cozy little "boutique" type room in my home. 

a room with some clothing racks with some fun, cute, not your "ordinary" clothes that you could come and try on and feel pretty in.  a place where you could maybe find something a little "out of the ordinary" or "out of the box" for you that you loved and that made you feel good!  

i envisioned a cozy little corner in that room with a couple of chairs where we could have a cup of coffee and a chat ... about your kids or life, your relationship with God, where you were safe to laugh or cry or just have a shoulder to lean on if you needed it.

unfortunately what i envisioned is not where i found myself about two months ago!

about two months ago, i found myself sitting on the floor in my lularoom {there certainly was not room for cozy little chairs} in a room filled with 400+ pairs of leggings and 600+ pieces of other inventory wondering what i was doing!

i began to pray in earnest about what God wanted me to do with this business  that i was beginning to fear i had allowed to take over my life. 

i had allowed it to take over my priorities {God, husband, family ... and THEN everything else} and i had let it take over my home. i didn't go to the bathroom or take a "relaxing" bath without my phone by my side. i didn't enjoy my daughter's bridal shower without checking my phone. i didn't go out to dinner with my husband, to church to worship God or to get my hair done without being attached to my phone! i answered comments, private messages and claims from the time i got up in the morning until the time i went to bed at night. i checked notifications before getting out of bed in the morning and i sometimes even checked it if i got up to use the bathroom at 2:00 a.m.!

earlier in the spring, i had "cruise qualified", meaning i had sold $12,000 in inventory in one month and i wanted to do it again ... and again and again! because if i did for 6 consecutive months, i'd earn a cruise.

i'd earn a cruise, but at what cost?

when i began to sell this clothing, i was asked to state my "why" and that was easy for me or so i thought. i loved the clothes and felt good when wearing them! i loved visiting my sponsor's home and sitting with her in her lularoom and having those heart to heart chats about the clothing and so much more. i knew what it was like to feel alone in a room full of people after becoming an unexpected widow at the age of 45. i knew what it felt like to need to buy plus size clothing, but feeling like none of it was very attractive. i "got it" so finding a why was easy!

i wanted women to come to my home and leave wearing an outfit that made them feel good about themselves for the first time in a long time. or maybe even for the first time in their lives. i added to my why that i wanted those women to always know they were loved and that they were not alone in the world.

though i still love those reasons, and there is still a ring of truth to them, in may of this year, i'd lost sight of even that in my quest to add to my inventory, to "go deep" by buying more so i could sell more. i found myself feeling buried in a room full of inventory that i had no idea how i was ever going to move.  i was beginning to feel smothered in the room that was supposed to be my happy place, that was supposed to be you, my customer's safe place.  

and so, i began to pray.  at first, i kept this little secret tucked away safely in my heart, praying for some clarity while putting a smile on my face, ordering more inventory and plodding along.

finally, i had to share the burden, and did so with rick, simply asking him to pray along with me for clarity, which we both did. we also began to have some hard conversations about what.to.do. 

we decided to wait on a few things and continued to pray for clarity.

a few more things came up that seemed to point in the direction of me leaving lularoe, but i just wasn't ready to do it ... yet, so we continued to pray!

last weekend, as i was really struggling with what.to.do, rick felt the nudge that we needed to go forward at church during the alter call to ask our pastor to pray for and with us, telling him only that we needed "direction".  while he prayed, my eyes filled with tears as he verbalized my exact prayers that i'd been praying for months ... except i'd not shared them with him!

no, we weren't hit by a lightening bolt during that prayer. we didn't walk out of church and see an airplane pulling a banner telling us what to do! we went to bed that night, like so many nights before still praying for clarity and direction.

on monday, rick had to run some errands and while he was gone, it was if God turned on a lightbulb and i had an answer. i texted rick and told him as as much. when he came home, we talked again, and made the decision to end my journey with lularoe. it was sad. it was a relief. it was scary.

i still love lularoe. i love the blessings it brought into my life and the friendships it brought my way. i have "sister" consultants who i believe will be my friends for life. i have customers who have supported me in amazing ways and continue to do so. i've seen it from those of you who have shopped with me in the past and have reached out to me this week and are excited to see where my next adventure is taking me. 

i.am.blessed. 

& it is because of lularoe ... so this is in no means a "bash lularoe" post. there are some things that i don't agree with. there are some business practices that i've seen with lularoe that i'm not extremely pleased with but over all, in the past 14 months, lularoe has brought far more blessing into my life than not, so i leave with a thankful heart.

but i leave. because it is time.

i leave with peace.

i leave knowing that God's hand was in it and i have the full support of my husband and my family.

i leave knowing that my customers are in good hands with my lulasisters.

and, i leave excited because i'm taking a little turn in the road and it's exciting to me.

i leave knowing that in my new journey, i'll set boundaries! i won't be attached to my phone 24/7. i'll set business hours and stick to them. i'll make sure that my priorities are in order, and i'll re-check them on a regular basis!

i leave, knowing that i'm leaving one business, but starting another {actually two!} that can also be a blessing to you and i pray that they will be!  

i hope that if you've stuck with this blog post to this point, you'll stick with me on my business page over at 139sheilasplace.com to see where this journey takes us!

i also leave knowing that this year has helped me to re-write my why.  it has actually allowed me to turn my simple "why" into my prayer for myself, and for you ... 

♥

i do pray as i begin each day, that i can be a little light in your day and that when you leave me, either in person or in cyber-space, you'll leave knowing that i value you for you and am blessed to have you in my life!

xo,

sheila ♥

{what happens when you decide to "creep"}

OK ... so i realize that i left you all kind of hanging for awhile here ... sorry, july totally got away on me!

after reading all of my crazy questions, rick was actually quite gracious, answering all of them and then some, while telling me that he considered me a "hoot" which i think was a compliment! his answers gave me a good bit of insight into who he was {or said he was} and answered the two most important ... he did love MY Jesus and my green bay packers ... so at least he was worth a second thought and further conversation!

since he said he hadn't found a local church to attend, i told him where i went to church and invited him to join me on sunday, and then i also texted him, since he provided me with his cell number.

i simply said, "hi rick" to which he replied "hi sheila" ... and when i asked how he knew it was me, he replied that he hadn't given his number to "that many girls" today ... oh, boy ... that money for comedian lessons well spent yet again!

in texting, he also told me that he was headed to peshtigo to watch soccer practice as he was the coach and the season was starting soon ... coaches couldn't officially hold practice since it was off season, but the team captains could and the coaches could watch.

since that was the case, and i was headed to see the girls at Bible camp, i decided to put my detective skills to the test since i'd learned in my snooping the day before that he actually lived right on my route to camp.  with slightly shaking hands, i followed the gps directions down the twisty, graveled country roads, wondering if i'd gone a bit crazy! i turned left, off the main road, then left again, and then right and there, on the left side of the little country road was the fire number that identified his driveway ... but i couldn't see the house, it appeared to be down a long gravel driveway, tucked away in the forest! just as i got *very brave* ... remember, he was on the way to practice ... and put my blinker on to turn into his driveway, it hit me ... HE COULD BE LYING!!  he could be home. he could have a wife and 5 kids playing in the yard, he could be a lunatic, he could be ... {sometimes i watch too much t.v. and read too many books} any number of creepy, very bad things!

now my hands were really shaking as i turned as quickly as i could into that driveway and booked it out of there as fast as i dared ... without looking like it was actually ME who was being the "creeper"!

i honestly think my hands shook and my heart beat at a very uncommon tempo the rest of the way to camp while i tried to reassure myself that i was the only one who knew of my craziness!

i had a nice visit with the girls, got to wish tessa a very happy 18th birthday and headed home ... not via the route that took me past that long, now scary, driveway! 

{p.s. ... rick really was at soccer practice that day and there was not a wife and 5 children playing in the yard. he was not any of those creepy, scary things that i imagined that he could have been, and i didn't end up chopped in teeny, tiny pieces and thrown in the river as fish food, but i sure cured myself of "creeping" at least for the time being!}

{i found you}

.... it was 5 years ago today after finding and friend requesting rick on facebook, that i sent him a p.m. that simply said, "sorry, found you" :)

little did i know that he had horrible cell service at his house and his cell service doubled as his internet, so he didn't get my message right away ... which certainly led me to believe that maybe i made a mistake by creeping, but i was still holding out hope!

thankfully once he had a decent signal, he got my message and he did reply ... 

"thanks sheila, i didn't realize a facebook stalking would be so nice!" 

he then offered that i could ask any questions that i wanted to ... 

an offer i think he may have regretted soon after reading my next message!

i decided that i wasn't going to waste time and not ask the important questions, so i asked about his family relationships, prior marriage, relationship with his kids, did he drink, did he smoke, some other quite personal questions and the two "deal breaker questions" ...

he had said he liked liverpool soccer, but did he like my green bay packers

and

did he love my Jesus?

again ... his internet connection wasn't the greatest, or he had to process all the questions this crazy lady fired at him {or maybe a bit of both} so i didn't hear anymore back from him that day, and went to bed wondering if i'd ever hear from him again!

tune in tomorrow to find out HIS take on all the questions i shot his way and my totally crazy panic stricken moment when i decided to creep on his house!