Even through the good & the bad times...YOU stay the same!

s.a.t.u.r.d.a.y.

8 letters that used to signal one of the best days of the week.  8 letters that for the last 9 weeks have had different meaning . . . initially, it was 

S. adness, 

A. nxiety, 

T. ears, 

U. nbelief, 

R. ed lights & sirens, 

D. isbelief, 

A. absence, 

Y. UCK.

  

As the weeks have passed, GOD has been gracious. He has shown His face to us.  He has provided strength.  He has held us when Rick couldn't anymore.  He has lighted our path, ONE STEP at a time.

"Here in the arms of my FATHER

Only grace can be found

So I lay my fears down

Nothing is the same anymore

You've changed me from the inside out

Now my heart is beating and it's singing, won't you

Hold me

Hold me just a little bit closer

I don't wanna lose this moment

Your love has captured me

Even through the good and the bad times

You stay the same

So my song will remain

Lord . . . 

Hold me

Hold me just a little bit closer

I don't wanna lose this moment

Your love has captured me

And now I can't get over You

I can't get over You

I can't get over You

No, I can't get over You!"

Anthem Lights

That's the "subtle" change as the "Saturdays" march forward week by week.  Here IN THE ARMS OF MY FATHER, ONLY GRACE CAN BE FOUND, SO I LAY MY FEARS DOWN. You can listen to the whole song HERE!  I just love when I hear songs that feel like they were written just for ME!  But, then, that's what Jesus did, isn't it?  He died, JUST FOR ME!  JUST FOR RICK.  JUST FOR YOU!  Mercy Me's song "Beautiful" has a verse in it that says:

"Before you ever took a breath

Long before the world began

Of all the wonders He possessed

There was one more precious

Of all the earth and skies above

You're the one He madly loves

ENOUGH TO DIE

He loved each and every one of us, as individuals.  He MADLY loves each and every one of us.  He madly loves each and every one of us . . . ENOUGH to DIE! And in that, S.A.T.U.R.D.A.Y. is starting to take on a better "tone".  I think it will always be a day of "remembering". That's a good thing.  Memories are good (most of them - because even in the midst of the GREATEST TRAGEDY I could have ever imagined, I FELT GOD).  The "sting" of Saturday, is lessening.  The missing Rick isn't lessening.  The lonlieness isn't lessening. The numbness, the shock, the disbelief . . . they are lessening.

S. eek ME FIRST . . . 

A. ll I am/all I have is YOURS . . . 

T. rust in the LORD with ALL your heart

U. ntil that day, my heart will go on singing.  Because daily HE gives me a song.

R. edemption

D. oes not the Lord know when ONE sparrow falls from the sky (Matthew 10:29).          If he cares for the SPARROW, surely he knew when Rick fell that day.

A. sk and it will be given to you.  For now, it's asking for light for each step, help for each moment of each day.

Y. ea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear NO EVIL for Thou art with me, Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me. (Psalm 23:4)

Yes, we are walking in the "valley" of the "shadow of death".  It permeates EVERY THING WE DO every minute of every day.  Yet in the midst of the valley, in the darkness of the shadow, HE is still there.  He lights the path, step by step.  There IS only ONE set of footsteps - for HE is carrying me (us).

So, yes, today was Saturday.  9 weeks since the rocking of our world.  Saturday.  A day that won't ever be the same as it used to be.  Yet a day that we again survived.  With another "first".  It was "Parent's Night (Day)" for basketball.  Tessa does stats for the Varsity team.  As manager, she and her parent(s) are introduced.  And I was.  We were.  We survived!  Tessa's friend Becca's parents couldn't be there today, so Becca walked with us.  We did fine. We made it.  God was with us.  Rick's memory was alive with us.  They (Rick & God) were smiling down on us, infusing us with strength for this, yet another first.

Just as we settled in for the night, we heard the WAIL of sirens (remember, I didn't hear them 9 weeks ago).  The wail of sirens is still an eerie sound.  I commented that they must be close to hear them so clearly.  Tessa said, "It's because 2 fire trucks just went by OUR house."  and, then another.    Followed by cars with their emergency flashers. Followed by a State Police car.  Followed by the Rescue Squad.  I didn't hear the sirens 9 weeks ago.  They still existed.  Some of the same dear people responding to the call tonight responded 9 weeks ago.  The sirens still sound eerie.  I'm still glad I didn't hear them that day.  Tonight, our neighbor had a chimney fire.  We don't know them well, but the oldest daughter goes to the High School so knows me.   The younger daughter is 6 - and the cutest little thing I have ever seen!  The little one didn't know me, but mom had to go to work tonight - the fire was out and only smoke was left.  Scary for a 6 year old.  She is sleeping on our couch tonight (big sister, understandably, wanted to be at her own house being it was safe!).  So, sweet little neighbor "A" and Tessa & Kajsa (Taya's overnight at a Birthday party) are having a camp out on the living room floor.  Watching movies, and loving on this sweet little person.  Yes, I'm bragging.  I'm proud of the tender hearts that I'm seeing more and more in my sweet girl's hearts.  More than proud, I'm thankful.  Thankful that the Lord has given them sweet tender hearts!  Thankful that another Saturday has drawn to a close, and again, we can feel His healing, loving touch.  Thankful that we can REST in Him tonight.  Thankful that tomorrow we head to see Nick, Ashley & the little girls.  Thankful for my family ♥  Thankful for HIM.  Thankful that He did not leave us or forsake us! ♥