♥Valentine's Eve♥

..... ♥ Valentine's "Eve" ♥

20 years ago tonight, it was also "♥ wedding eve ♥"!

W.O.W.!

20 years is nearly 1/2 my life . . . no wonder I, at times, feel like I'm missing an arm, or other vital body part . . . it's because I am.

The person who was my "go-to" for almost 1/2 of my life is no longer here with me.  I guess those feelings are quite normal all things considered.

Tonight, as I prepared to write, I thought . . . 

If only . . . 

If only I had one more week...

If only I had one more day...

If only I had one more hour...

If only I had one more minute even...

But, I don't.

And in thinking that, I'm also SO THANKFUL that my "if only's" aren't laced with regret.  I don't regret ONE SINGLE MOMENT of my almost 20 years of being married to Rick!  

I don't have even "one more minute", yet, NOTHING was left unsaid - the LAST WORDS we spoke to each other were probably minutes before he went to Heaven, and they were, 

I 

LOVE

YOU

♥

THAT is so comforting!  We said I LOVE YOU often, and with sincerity!  

So, on the "eve" of this, another first in this year of "firsts" that must be survived, I am sad, yes.  I am lonesome, yes.  I do wish for "one more (year, month, day, hour, minute...)", yes.  I do wish my kids still had their daddy here with them, yes.

I DO wish lots of things, yet, I STILL CHOOSE to TRUST.

To Trust in what I cannot see...

To Trust that {H}E loves me more than {h}e loved me.

To Trust that my ways are not His ways.

To Trust that He has a plan for my {our} lives.

To KNOW that Rick is enjoying this anniversary in Heaven.

To KNOW that Rick left this world loving me and the kids & grandkids with his whole heart.

To KNOW that though life wasn't perfect, it was wonderful!

To KNOW that one glorious day, we WILL be reunited!

Tomorrow, my "tribute" post to Rick will run over at "OUT OF DEEP WATERS".  

I will "re-link" to it in the morning - please take a minute to read it if you can!  And as I said last night, pray with me that GOD will use our tragedy to bring others close to Him.  In all I do, I desire to see God glorified.

So, on this Valentine's Eve . . . 

My Dearest Rickey,

Thank you for the wonderful life we had together.  Thank you for loving me, in the good, the bad and the ugly!  Thank you for sharing your two wonderful "big" kids with me.   Thank you for being the BEST Daddy to our 3 girls! ♥ Thank you that along with all the questions we may have about "why" this is the road the Lord has us travelling on, we do NOT question the LOVE you had for us!  Thank you for LOVING GOD, for not being ashamed of your faith in Him, for in that, we have the reassurance that you are more alive than ever today!  Thank you for all the GREAT memories, the silly times, the jokes, the fun . . . !  Thank you for loving us, and teaching us how to love a little better.  Thank you for being you! Thank you for the BEST 20 years of my life! ♥

I Love you ALWAYS & FOREVER Bud! ♥

I'll see you "there" when God calls me home! ♥

"Peace I leave with you, My peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."  John 14:27