2/6/13



On Friday, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.


It made for a not very pretty day . . . .



I was finding fault in EVERYONE and EVERYTHING . . .



Not a good combination on a day when we were having 2 major appliances
delivered {a stove and a fridge} . . . which of course means the mess
has to get worse before it can get better.



Not a good combination on a day when I had to go into work – for 11:00
p.m. . . . and NEEDED to nap . . . but was too stubborn to do so.
Not a good combination when I CHOSE to think negative thoughts that
just fueled my frustration . . .



•       “Really, why am I the only one who EVER does “poop patrol” kitty
litter, ferret litter and the occasional dog accident {which of course
is an un-true statement – I’m not the only one who ever does it!} “ 

•       “Why am I the only one who can rinse the dishes to put in the
dishwasher {again, an un-truth}”
 
•       “How can they not the overflowing garbage cans {true? of course not}”



•       And on . . . and on . . . and on . . .   . . .   . . .    . . .

And then I allowed further negative thoughts . . . “But she used to be
my friend . . . I can’t believe we don’t talk anymore, or said that, or did
that” . . .
“I have to work and I haven’t slept, HOW will I make it through the night?” 
. . . “I’m SUPPOSED to be sleeping, but the big dog is barking, the
little dog is whining, one of the cats is in my bed giving himself a
bath and everyone is talking . . . LOUDLY” . . .
I’d LOVE to say that I waved a magic wand, or prayed a “perfect”
prayer and everything was ALL BETTER . . . 
unfortunately, that was not the case.

I made a choice, a bad choice.  A choice to continue to wallow in the
negative . . . and just as happiness breeds happiness, so negativity
breeds negativity.

So, rather than being glad that I have a house full of happy, healthy
people, I was upset with all the dishes those people create (and
laundry, and mess, and commotion).  Instead of being happy that we
have pets that are loved, I decided that pets should not act like
pets, they should not run and jump and bark and meow and whine, or
poop for that matter.  Instead of praying for restored relationships,
I chose to plan “retaliation” against those
friends I feel hurt me {subtle, snide retaliation},  Instead of
laying down to rest before work, giving it all to God {I did lay down and give it 
to Him, but moments later took it back – like I thought I could handle it better
than He could}, I stewed – and didn’t rest very well.

I really could go on and on, but I think this paints a fairly accurate
picture of the gray cloud I allowed myself to live under for most of
the day.



With devotionals delivered to my phone daily, “pins” to Pinterest,
Facebook and other social media, and e-mails from several Christian
websites, I have become a collector of quotes.



“Make today ridiculously amazing!” {on a canvas on our bedroom wall –
and in the registration office at work}



“I long to make your life a glorious adventure.” {another, on a canvas
on our bedroom wall}



“Give every day the chance to become the most beautiful day of your
life” {the wallpaper on my phone}



“Do small things with great love.” {my next tattoo?}



“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts
. . . therefore guard accordingly.”



These are just SOME of my current favorites . . . and how about this one,



“Don’t mix bad words with your bad mood.  You’ll have many
opportunities to change a mood, but you’ll never get the opportunity
to replace the words you spoke.”



U.G.H.! . . . or . . .



“Am I trying to prove that I’m RIGHT or IMPROVE the relationship?”
Hhmmmm . . . or . . .



“A change in behavior begins with a change in the heart.”



I am spoiled.



I am stubborn.



I like to be “right”.



I am a little more concerned about the “state” of the house than the
others who live there with me are.



When I get on a “roll”, watch out.



I should have realized just how bad my “roll” was when Tessa came home
{from a week at college} and I greeted her at the door with a friendly
“hello” and one of her sisters said, “Don’t let your fool you, she’s
not as happy as she seems.”  Ouch!  Sounds terrible now.  

I'm working on not "wallowing" in the negativity . . . 



Now I just wallow in the “why”?



Why can’t I just STOP and let GOD control my tongue, and thoughts and actions?
Why can’t I strive to make each day ridiculously amazing?
Why don’t I enjoy the glorious adventure the Lord has for me {messy
house, overflowing garbage and all}?
Why didn’t I stop and allow Friday (or Saturday, or Sunday or . . . )
to become the most beautiful day of my life?
Why did I not do small, and not so small things, with great love?
Why did I not guard my thoughts, change my mood, realize that I don’t
always have to be right or why didn’t I strive to change MY heart, and
not the behaviors of everyone else in my home?



Because, I’m a sinful, selfish human being, I guess.



You’d think that with the life {and death} lessons that I have
learned, I’d be more patient, and tolerant and understanding.  I try
to be.  But sometimes, sometimes I give in to wallowing . . . in a bad
mood, in a pity party, in just plain being a crab.  And, I’m not proud
of it.



I guess it’s proof that daily {hourly, minute by minute, second by
second} we have to renew our minds.



When I let my focus slip off of WHO and WHAT is important, I very
quickly let the unimportant become important.  I’m NOT proud of the
fact that I act in this way, but I am thankful for the fact that I
have a family who loves me, and forgives me {time and time again} when
I “lose it”.



I’m even more thankful that I have a God who forgives me, and gives me
a second {third, fourth, tenth, thousandth} chance.  That after the
crabby days, when I finally realize how badly I’ve behaved, God uses
it to teach me a lesson, a lesson about unconditional love {from my
family}, about redemptive love {from Him}.  A lesson about grace and
mercy, and striving to learn from my mistakes.



I’m thankful that God {or my family} doesn’t love me according to how
I act.  I’m thankful for grace and mercy that I learn from Him and
from them.  I’m learning {really slowly sometimes} to let the
unimportant stay that way, and to keep the important important!
Thank goodness that God is good, all the time and all the time, God is good.


There's a "p.s." to this post . . . I wrote it on Saturday and it sat until now.
I wish I could say that in the post "sitting", things improved . . . they didn't.
I continued to pick and pout and complain . . . 

And all that I do in the end is make everyone miserable . . . . so, again today,
I turn it BACK over to the Lord.  Asking that He make a change in ME.

I'm praying to have a servant's heart.

To love without condition.

To look for the good, not the bad in ALL situations.

To mend the friendships that I can, and to let the others go . . . trusting in 
God's timing for them.

I'm chosing to believe that today CAN become the most beautiful day of my life - 
because I've given the day to the CREATOR of the day - and in HIM all things
are beautiful! ♥

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