6/17/20

I AM HIS!

So here’s the thing. I had a super long post started. I tried to be eloquent and write it the right way. You know, so it would catch your attention, so you’d want to read it, so you’d like what I wrote. Then I realized, that’s just what I wanted to share! This is my blog,with my thoughts, my prayers, my journey with God. I need to write to please Him and nobody else! That is scary, and revealing and freeing all at the same time.

I AM HIS!

He calls me by name and reaches out to me in my moments of despair and cheers for me in my moments of victory! 

I AM HIS! 

I am His yet daily I seek for, I strive for, I cling to your affirmation of me. This seeking, striving, clinging leads me to be someone I’m not. 

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that this means I can be self serving, rather it should lead me to be selfless. But it should also lead me to live a life in line with who Christ created me to be, not in line what I think others would want me to be. 

I wanted to please my parents so I made sure that I checked the boxes of what a good Sunday School girl looked like. My heart wasn’t always where it should be but at least most of the time it looked like I was doing what was expected of me. 

In high school, I wanted my friends to like me so I pretended to go along with them, agreeing with whatever crowd I was with at that time. 

I wanted all of the young mamas in my circle to like me so I put my girls in the same box all their children were in. I expected my children to act the same as theirs, accomplish what theirs did. I parented according to what they thought of my parenting skills; I didn’t let my children be my children, I tried to make them cookie cutter images of others. 

I wanted my husband to love me. I cooked all the meals, washed all the clothes, scrubbed all the floors. I smiled when I wanted so scream and I hid in the shower on the rare occasion I allowed myself to cry, because big girls don’t cry. 

I wanted everyone to like me all of the time. I want everyone to like me all of the time. I smile and I agree and I still do all the things. 

I try to check the boxes that make others see me as a good daughter, sister, wife, mom, grandma, friend, Christian. I live to gain approval and be good enough to be loved. 

I AM HIS! 

I need to stop checking all the boxes. I need to stop putting on a smiling face all the time. 

I AM HIS!

I need to seek His approval, His love and His affirmation. In finding my all in His finished work in the cross, I will be full! He created me, He knows me, He loves me. I am his cherished Child and I am His beloved bride!  

I do not need to seek the approval of any man (or woman or child). This will not make me selfish, but it will make me more selfless. If my worth, my acceptance, my peace is placed in Him and Him alone, I will find peace. I will not need to seek the approval or the affirmation of others. I will be free to live wholeheartedly, to serve willingly to smile joyfully. 

I AM HIS!

He wants to mold me and make me into Who and Whose I was created to be! He can be and will be my all in all, if I let Him! 

I AM HIS! 

I need to stop checking the boxes. I need to stop trading what is best for what I think is good. I need to grow past my need of expecting anyone or anything other than Him to fill me, affirm me or approve of me. If I seek His face at all times, my service can be done in love. I can live in a way that pleases Him and not man, knowing that I don’t need man’s approvals or accolades or affirmations, because I already have all of those things from my ABBA Daddy! He is the creator of the heavens and the earth, of the grains of sand and the mountains, of the sun moon and stars and yet, I AM HIS!

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