tell.them.what.they.need.to.hear

"If you looked me right in the eye

Would you see the pain deep inside?

Would you take the time?

Tell me what I need to hear

Tell me that I'm not forgotten

Show me there's a God who can be

More than all I've ever wanted

'Cuz right now, I need a little hope

I need to know that I'm not alone

Maybe God is calling you tonight

To tell me something that might save my life"

{Sidewalk Prophets ... watch the official video/song HERE}

can you relate to these lyrics?

have you ever felt this way?

have you ever hidden pain deep inside?

have you ever felt forgotten?

have you ever needed a little hope?

have you ever needed to know that you aren't alone?

as a "good sunday school girl" i know that God is ALWAYS there.  i'm never really alone. yet, God did not call us to be an island.  if He had, he would not have created eve to be adam's helpmate. God created us for community.  He created us to need each other.  how often though, are we so caught up in living that we forget that? how often do we we forget that others need us?

my dream in life was to be a wife and a mama ... God blessed me and allowed me to be just that, but there were days when the girls were little and messes were plenty that i felt alone - even in a house full of commotion and sticky little fingers and dirty little faces. but, i've been known to be a little stubborn, so i hid behind a smile so nobody would feel the pain deep inside.

i was blessed to love and be loved, but i felt alone during hunting season or hunting trips or just those days that seemed like i'd be potty training forever! but, i've been known to be a little stubborn, so i hid behind a smile so nobody would feel the pain deep inside.

i faced every wife's worst nightmare when i heard a dr. say "i'm sorry, rickey didn't make it".  i was surrounded by people, but i was oh.so.alone! but, i've been known to be a little stubborn, so i hid behind a smile so nobody would feel the pain deep inside.

i was blessed to be allowed to love again.  God allowed me to move forward in life and love and be loved by another Godly man, but some people didn't understand. they said i didn't give them enough time to grieve. they said it was "too soon". they thought that loving again meant forgetting rickey {only those who have experienced it first hand understand how foolish that thought is. when you have a 2nd child (or 3rd, or 4th or more) you don't love the first any less or forget the first. such is the love for a deceased spouse - you just choose to continue loving while moving forward with what God has in store for you}. but, i've been known to be a little stubborn, so i hid behind a smile so nobody would feel the pain deep inside.

did i mention that i've been known to be a little stubborn? Godly submission to the leadership of my husband was not something that came easily {in the past or in my new marriage}, so during the first year or so of being married to Rick, i struggled {a lot} ... but, i've been known to be a little stubborn, so i hid behind a smile so nobody would feel the pain deep inside.

i've gotten {a little} better at allowing my husband to lead, but when that leading called us to a new church, a new direction, i didn't like it. but, i've been known to be a little stubborn, so i hid behind a smile so nobody would feel the pain deep inside.

i don't share all of these "events" to make you feel bad for me ... i share them because without them, i could not relate to the song that i posted above.  without them, i could not understand the need to love.  without them, i could not understand that i need to LOVE others.  without them, i would not have learned {truly learned} that we are not meant to be an island. without them, i would not be able to try each day to reach out to someone. to try and tell someone what they need to hear. to let someone know that they aren't forgotten. to let them know that there IS a God who is more than they've ever dreamed of and He is more than they've EVER wanted! because i've felt that way, i pray that i can give someone a little hope, that i can let someone hope ...

that they're not alone!

who in your life needs that message today?

if it's YOU, please know that you're not alone.  you are loved! if you are reading this, i love you, and there is a God who loves you and He is more than you've ever wanted!

if it's not you, who in your life needs to hear this? tell them, tell them today! tell them something that might save their life!

what i learned from cam newton

{this post will start with a disclaimer: i obviously do not personally know cam newton. i don't know his personal relationship with Jesus Christ. i am not claiming to know his thoughts, motives or actions on or off the playing field. i am not here to begin a conversation or a debate on cam's actions on or off the field, during the game or during the post-game conference. i am only relating what i SAW in a brief 30 seconds or so to how i can apply it to my personal life!}

last night as i watched the super bowl, i saw something that spoke to me ... and then it spoke to me again in the middle of the night as i was having trouble sleeping. 

towards the end of the game, cam newton was visibly frustrated that a "roughing the passer" call was not made by the ref. after a brief interaction with the ref, cam turned away holding onto the straps of his helmet, still visibly trying to regain control of his emotions.

i can only imagine that in that moment, in total frustration {his team is losing, he thought the ref missed a call} he wanted to pull those straps, take off that helmet, throw it to the ground and stomp off the field {or if he had been me, melt into a puddle of tears}. 

he did none of those. with millions of people watching around the world and with cameras focused on him, catching his every move, his every reaction, his every expression, he "sucked it up buttercup", he kept his helmet on and he showed grace.

which brings me to what i learned from cam newton {or more accurately, what God showed me through the actions of cam newton}!

how many times have i thought a "roughing the passer" call was missed?

how many times have i felt wronged, and how have i responded?

*how do i react when my people don't seem to notice the "nice" things that i did for them, but call me out on something i did wrong?

*how do i react when i feel lonely or hurt or sad and someone doesn't notice or doesn't do something about it when i think they should have?

*how do i react when someone says or does something that hurts me?

*how do i react when life throws me a curve ball? 

{and let me tell you, losing my husband when i was 45 years old was a MAJOR curve ball!}

*how do i react when friends leave me out of their plans?

*how do i react when i feel not loved or not appreciated?

*how do i react when that "roughing the passer" call is not made and life hurts? 

{because sometimes, it just does!}

do I allow my human sinful desires to take over? do i unsnap those straps on my helmet, throw it to the ground and stomp off the field?

do i say "coach {God}, i've had e.n.o.u.g.h. life isn't fair. this isn't fair. this isn't what i signed on the dotted line for. i don't want to play anymore. i'm done. i don't want to be nice. i don't want to do the right thing. why didn't you throw the yellow flag, God? where are you? this is.not.fair. and i'm d.o.n.e.?"

or...

do I grab those straps, hang on tight, take a deep breath and say "o.k. coach {God}, You know what You're doing. i don't know why you didn't throw the yellow flag. i don't know why You allowed this hurt {or disappointment, or loss or un-fulfilled longing} into my life. i don't get it and i may not like it, but i'll keep my helmet on. i'll take a deep breath. i'll lean on You to be my strength when my strength is gone. i'll step back on that playing field with my head held high and i'll show grace. because even in the times that i have thrown my helmet down and i have stomped off the field and i have acted like You were wrong and i was right, You loved me anyway. You loved me anyway."

i saw cam newton do that last night. i saw him hang on by a thread. i saw him show grace when millions of eyes were trained on him. when cameras were focused on him. for 10 or 20 or 30 seconds while a battle for control must have been raging within, he showed grace. he kept his helmet on. he turned back to the task at hand and he finished what he started though i believe his heart was probably breaking as he saw his dream of a super bowl championship slowly slipping away. he kept the course, he finished the race {game}!

his team may not have won the game last night. he may have been criticized for his post-game interview. he may be lamenting all of the would have's, should have's and could have's from last night. he is human and he is in the public spotlight. he will say and do and act in ways that are criticized by Christians and non-Christians alike, but for those 30 seconds or so last night, in my eyes, i saw cam show grace, and God used those few moments to speak to me. those few moments and the few moments post-game when he went to payton manning and congratulated him ...

yes, in my eyes, cam newton showed grace.

God used cam newton to teach me a lesson. through cam newton, God reminded me of the times

*when i have thrown down my helmet and stomped off of the field, 

*when i have failed to see all the good He has brought to my life and only see the "bad",

*when i have reacted badly to the circumstances He has allowed in my life,

*when i have hurt Him by my actions/reactions,

*when i have responded poorly when life threw me a curve ball,

*when i have left Him out of my plans,

*when i have failed to show Him the love and appreciation and adoration that is due HIM,

still He loves me.  still He extends grace to me. still He holds me in his strong, loving, protective arms.

even when i've thrown down my helmet. even when i've stomped off of the playing field. even when i've said "i'm done". even then, He still loves me.  He still extends His loving hand to me. He still holds me. He still waits for me to come back to Him. He still shows me grace ... a grace that i must show to others ... even when i think a "roughing the passer" flag should have been thrown!

and that is what i learned from cam newton last night!

a.perfect.day

we've had a couple of quiet days around here. snowstorm bucky kept us home tuesday evening and wednesday. that meant a nice snowy soak in the hot tub on tuesday night and a coffee and soccer watching day {for rick!} yesterday while I caught up on some keep work and welcomed a new designer to my team!

i feel like i'm aging myself, but boy do i enjoy just being able to be home! or maybe rather than "aging", i'm maturing? I am learning to appreciate and enjoy the simple things! a quiet day spent at home with some of those I love the most is a perfect day to me! 

tonight as I settle in for the night, i will end my day as it began, thankful for the love of my Savior, Jesus Christ. for the love of a Godly husband, amazing children, wonderful parents, siblings, extended family and friends! 

what are you thankful for tonight and what does your perfect day look like?! share your thoughts in the comments below!

easier.said.than.done!

for those of you who don't multi-task, this will make no sense, but for those who do, I think you'll get it!

it is h.a.r.d. to shut down my brain. to think of only one thing. to focus on the task at hand and only the task at hand!

after yesterday's post, i found myself reminding myself that i could not post to instagram, begin my friend's online social, put the dogs out and start supper while.i.was.in.the.shower ... yet my mind was processing all those thoughts and more ... ugh! it's going to be hard to teach this old dog new tricks, but i'm willing to work at it. 

today was a new day. i think i did a little better. i felt a little more focused on the tasks at hand. i made supper and actually stayed in the kitchen the whole time i was working on it, that's a start, right?!

tomorrow is another day. one.step.at.a.time.  one.day.at.a.time! i know that i will have a much happier husband if i can learn to do this. i know that i'll actually accomplish more and with better results if i can learn to do this. i know that my stress level will be reduced if i can learn to do this. so, i'll keep trying. and for now ... on to the.next.thing. ... which will soon be the hot tub on this snowy yooper evening .... aaaahhhhhh i think that will be one place i can put everything aside and relax, we'll see!

...one.step.at.a.time...

if you are anything like me you probably have a to-do list in your mind {or several of them} and maybe a honey-do list, along with a bucket-list, and an "if i had the time" list and, and, and ... 

your mind is probably often overwhelmed with the would have's, could have's and should have's along with the need-to's, want to's and hope to's ...

no wonder we often feel overwhelmed, under appreciated and just plain stressed out!

no wonder 1 in 5 americans are currently on some sort of mood altering prescription medication.

no wonder our lives often seem like the same-old, same-old day in and day out.

no wonder we don't enjoy life, when we are constantly focusing on all of that instead of FIRST turning our focus to the One who gave us life!

in the course of life, we so often neglect the important {the REALLY important} for what we perceive to be important, or urgent, or necessary.  we focus on all we have to do and become so overwhelmed, nothing gets done!

just this morning, my mind was going in that direction!

rick and i had discussed this weekend that i should get back to blogging.  i enjoy writing, and it is a release for me, but really, WHERE will i find the time? what will i have to sacrifice to do it, what does it look like?  while i'm still not sure of all of the details, i do plan to get back to it - realizing that some days, it may be a mere sentence or two, some days it may read more like a short novel, and that's o.k.!

so, this morning, i sipped my coffee while reading my devotions, while snuggling the dogs, while trying to pay attention to what kajsa had planned for the day, while planning my next instagram post, while thinking about how to grow my keep business .... while making my "lists" for the day {yes, i am the epitome of a multi-tasker - doing much at once and often doing none of it well}. remember amidst this insane multi-tasking roller-coaster i was on, i was {attempting} to read my devotions ... i opened my "Jesus calling" app on my phone to read today's devotional and WHAM ... sometimes God does use a 2x4!

"follow me one step at a time. that is all I require of you.  in fact, that is the only way to move through this space/time world.  you see huge mountains looming, and you start wondering how you're going to scale those heights ... {get app here for iOS}"

ouch! so i shut out my lists, i re-read that first paragraph, i put down my coffee, and i took a deep breath.  i thanked God that He really does meet me right.where.i.am!  then i read the rest of the devo. i gave rick my full attention as he prepared to leave for the day and then i sat down to revamp my blog - after saying a prayer for a clear mind and guidance, since the changes i attempted last night in "multi-task mode" had not been successful! and guess what? a few clicks here, a few clicks there and my blog looked like i wanted it to! hhmmm maybe this "multi-tasking" isn't all it's cracked up to be? 

one.step.at.a.time.

today, i'm vowing {with God's help} to slow down and just do.the.next.thing!

i'll let you know tomorrow how my day went, but for now, i'm off to do the next thing!

... by grace ... through faith ... in Christ ...

On this day, memories are at the forefront of our thoughts, as we remember this day 4 years ago, and a million other little memories of days "before" and days "after". This year, my memories are sweeter, tears are a little less "sorrow"ful {time does bring that healing}, and God's grace in our life is so still so very evident! 

God in His lovingkindness blessed me with Rick, and has allowed me to love again! He {and God!} are my strength on days like this, and though the emotions are "weird" {living in the present, with memories of the past so close to the surface}, we talk and we pray and he {and God!} help me get through! 

If you sent a text, a Facebook message, a note, or shared hugs & kind words today THANK YOU!  Thank you for remembering and reaching out to us!  Rickey loved well and was loved, that is still very evident! 

I had another post ready for tonight, but I realized that nothing I say really matters unless it points you to the real reason for our HOPE in CHRIST! Since the day Rickey died, I have prayed that his death would draw others to the Lord. I know that on that beautiful November day 4 years ago, when Rickey breathed his last breath on this earth, he was IMMEDIATELY face to face with his Savior and Lord, and I know that he was more than ready for that moment! I also know that his greatest wish would be to greet each one of you in Heaven some day!  There is only one way that you can be sure of that, and I believe that a post I wrote just days after Rickey died explains best how he knew where he was going when he died, how we know where he is and where we are going and how you can have that same assurance!

"I would be failing my Lord and Rickey’s legacy if I didn’t take a minute or two here to let you know how Rick (and we) have the assurance of eternity in Heaven after our time on earth is done (and how you can know the same if you aren’t sure)!

Simply put: “For God so loved the world that He gave His ONLY BEGOTTEN Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have eternal life”.  John 3:16

However, we can’t just end there, because I think there are some things that may be “assumed” if I just use this verse alone to point you to Jesus.

First of all, if I were able to talk to most (if not all) of you reading my blog, I’m thinking that the majority would say that they “believe” in Jesus, God, Heaven and Hell. There-in lies a problem because, James 2:19 says, “even the demons believe – and shudder”.  So, "belief" alone, obviously isn't enough, if even the demons believe - and SHUDDER!

I also think that most of us would say that we are “good” people (and Rickey surely was a GOOD man - as his brother in law said once, Rickey is so nice - you could stand on his tongue and he wouldn't get mad - and that was a very accurate assessment of Rickey's mellow personality!), but, the Bible says “ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”.  Romans 3:23

…. But, I’m not a murder or a thief, I'm not addicted to pornography, I'm not an alcoholic, don't do drugs (or any one of the MANY excuses we can make to help us feel better about ourselves). . . . , LOTS of people do MUCH worse things than I do - you may be thinking . . .But, wait, Romans 6:23 says, “For the WAGES of sin is DEATH, but the GIFT of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.”

So, if ALL have sinned and the wages of sin is DEATH (which in this sense means ETERNAL separation from God for all eternity), that pretty much covers every one of us.  All is a word that leaves NO doubt, it doesn’t say “some” have sinned, or “most” have sinned, it says ALL have sinned – ALL, EVERYONE, EVERY SINGLE HUMAN BEING WHO HAS EVER LIVED . . . that’s you, that’s me, that was Rickey.

Now that we’ve established that we ALL are sinners, what is the penalty for that sin?  According to Romans 6:23, the wages, the PAYMENT for sin is DEATH – eternal separation from God in hell.  But the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.  GIFT as defined by dictionary.com is “something given voluntarily without payment in return,”

Romans 5:8 tells us that, “God showed his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” This verse ties in with John 3:16, “For God so loved the world that He GAVE . . . “ He gave (“gave”, FREELY, a “GIFT”), His ONLY son that WHILE WE (all) were still sinners, “CHRIST DIED FOR US”.  He (God) GAVE the ULTIMATE gift, He gave His ONLY BEGOTTEN SON, while we were sinners, and that ultimate gift, His only SON DIED for us . . . while we were yet sinners.  WOW!  I LOVE giving gifts as much as I enjoy receiving them.  I LOVE to show the kids my LOVE by giving them gifts, but to give a gift to someone who doesn’t love me in return, who in fact hates me?  That puts it into a whole new perspective.  Yet, that is exactly what happened when CHRIST DIED FOR us.  He did that WHILE WE WERE YET SINNERS (while we still “hated” Him, while we were still His enemies). 

At this point in the story, we all have a choice to make.  We can believe and embrace this truth and ACCEPT this FREE gift, or we can deny it and turn our backs on God and the promises He makes to us – the choice is up to you.  The Bible says, “For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."  That’s another one of those “all” words!  EVERYONE who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. 

Rickey and I had several conversations about the moment when we each “called upon the name of the Lord”.  He very vividly remembered watching a Billy Graham crusade as a child and making the conscious decision that he WAS a sinner and he needed the saving grace of the Lord Jesus Christ.  He, at that point called upon the name of the Lord and invited Christ to live in his heart and reign over his life.  He put his old sin nature to death at that moment, and was brought forever into God’s glorious kingdom!  That is the REASON we as his family have HOPE for the future.  I remember the day that I prayed that same prayer at VBS one summer and the girls all remember the moment they asked the Lord into their hearts, Tessa at home in the living room with me, and Taya & Kajsa with their Daddy – what precious memories, and a GLORIOUS hope for the future!  We WILL all some day be reunited – it is a PROMISE.

We are also told in the Bible that “if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved.”  Romans 10:9-10.  Rickey and I had the privilege of “confessing” with our mouth before our church family that we were saved and were baptized along with our best friends, Jim & Donna, and several others on Superbowl Sunday several years ago.  We do NOT believe that the baptism is what “saved” us, it was our trust in the Lord, the asking Him to be our Savior and rule over our hearts and minds that gave us that free gift of eternal life, the baptism was the just “outward” confessing, the professing to others that we were children of God.  It is the symbolism of being “buried with Him” (when you go under the water) and being “raised up again with Him in newness of life”) as you are brought back up from the water).  Rickey and I also had the honor of attending the baptism of all 3 girls out at Lake Lundgren Bible Camp on Labor Day 2010.  Tessa was baptized by one of the leaders, Sponz, who mentored her during LDC (Leadership Development Camp) that summer, and Taya & Kajsa were baptized Mama Ruth's husband, Mike.  It was a beautiful day and one that I will not forget, and I'm so thankful that it is a day we got to celebrate together as a family!

So, that in a somewhat abbreviated form is the WHY we have HOPE in the future, WHY the night we welcomed 600+ people at the funeral home, we were CELEBRATING Rick's life. This is it . . . we were celebrating his life here on earth - the 55 years that the Lord blessed him with, and blessed us with for having had such a wonderful person in our lives!  But, we were also (and more importantly) celebrating the fact that Rickey was more alive than ever that day - safe in his FOREVER home with Jesus in Heaven . . . the place that have the assurance that some day, we will be reunited, when the Lord calls us home.♥

Psalm 139:16 "Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me,  when as yet there was none of them (IN YOUR BOOK WERE WRITTEN EVERY ONE OF THEM THE DAYS THAT WERE FORMED FOR ME - that tells me that God planned Rickey's life, from 1st breath to last).  I CHOOSE daily to embrace what I have been given - to love just a little bit better, forgive more quickly and make each moment count."

If after reading this, you aren't sure, or you have questions, please open your Bible, check out some of the scriptures I referenced, message me, or a Pastor, or a Christian friend! My greatest joy on this day would be knowing that because of Rickey's legacy, one more person is assured of their eternal home in Heaven!  ♥

... he turned 12 ...

You see, he turned 12 in a homeless shelter, this was real to him.

"Let's check out the church at the homeless shelter" he said, like it was no big deal. And to him it wasn't, yet it was. You see, he turned 12 in a homeless shelter, this was real to him.

To me, it was an even bigger deal, but not for the same reasons. Me? I'd grown up in your typical, mid-western, middle-class family. Dad worked, mom stayed home for our elementary school years, we kids went to public school, and my family attended church - every.time.the.doors.were.open. I had my view of how life was inside my own little safe world, inside my own little safe walls, inside my little "box" of safe Christianity. But the world wasn't as safe as I believed, he was helping me to see. You see, he turned 12 in a homeless shelter, this was real to him.

I'd helped out at the Milwaukee Mission on a youth missions trip and we had even visited Pacific Garden Mission in Chicago. I did my part in helping the "underprivileged", or so I thought. Besides, I lived in the U.P. and there wasn't a homeless problem here. I didn't know anyone who was or had ever been homeless {I didn't think} and then I met "him" and I married "him" and three years into our marriage he wanted to get involved in the homeless shelter, because he knew what it was like, he had been there. You see, he turned 12 in a homeless shelter, this was real to him.

Suddenly, it started to become real to me. The homeless, those less fortunate than me; raised in my safe environment; suddenly had a face, and that face was the face of the man I loved. You see, he turned 12 in a homeless shelter, this was real to him and it was becoming real to me.

So, we went to church, the church at the homeless shelter. And I was scared. I was scared because I knew that in my heart, I thought I was better than those who sat down to worship God with me that day. I was scared because I knew that though I "talked the talk", I didn't do very well with "walking the walk". I was scared because all those people, those people at the mission, they looked just like me. They talked like me. Many had wives, husbands, children, just like me. The children, they were loved fiercely by their parents, just as I love my children, and those children, suddenly, those children had a face. They had the face of the man I loved, as a 12 year old, unsure of what his future held, you see, he turned 12 in a homeless shelter, this was real to him.

I wish I could say that my heart was changed after that first visit, but in addition to being raised a sheltered Yooper {for which I'm thankful!}, I'm also a stubborn Scandinavian, and I was still digging in my heels. I believed in what the Mission was doing, I even applauded it and supported it, but I did not see the need to become personally involved, I didn't know why I had to be there, I wanted to be back where it was safe, and familiar, and everyone else was just.like.me. 

But, you see, he turned 12 in a homeless shelter, and this was real to him so we returned the next Sunday, and the next and the next. We helped distribute food to the community, thousands of pounds of food - all gone in an hour and 1/2. We served the community alongside residents of the homeless shelter. People coming for food didn't know who was a resident of the shelter and who wasn't, and you know what?  It didn't matter. We were all just "God's kids" lending a helping hand to others in need. And, when it comes down to it, isn't it true that we are all in need?  Some of us may have financial/housing needs, like those who come to the shelter.  Others may have physical needs and still others may have needs that are more invisible, but still exist. We may struggle with our emotions, our marriages, family relationships, addictions, or mental health. We may battle insecurity or fear.

As we became more involved, we realized through our attendance at City Council and Planning Commission meetings that there is some opposition to the shelter.  There is fear of the shelter, and of the men, women and children who live there.  There is concern about drugs, and alcohol, felons and sexual predators. I do not want to disregard any of those concerns, but after having been at the shelter, I do have to ask, have those with fears/concerns ever attended a Sunday morning worship service at the Abundant Life Church? Have those with fears/concerns visited the shelter? Have those with fears/concerns volunteered and hour or two or ten, and gotten to know Pastor Dave, the staff and the residents? Have those with fears/concerns stopped to think that drugs, and alcohol, felons and sexual predators will still exist even if they put a stop to the shelter?  Have those with fears/concerns ever really thought about their own struggles, have they ever realized that at the end of the day, when you really look at it, we aren't really so different after all, are we? Some of us may have financial/housing needs, like those who come to the shelter.  Others may have physical needs and still others may have needs that are more invisible, but still exist. We may struggle with our emotions, our marriages, family relationships, addictions, or mental health. We may battle insecurity or fear. None of us has it "all together" and at some point, we all need a little help in this thing called life. He helped me to see that despite all our differences, we still have similarities for, you see, he turned 12 in a homeless shelter, this is real to him and it should be real to all of us!