At least it is for me.
I usually sweat the small stuff, the big stuff and the in between stuff!
I KNOW that I shouldn't be "sweating" these things, but I'm a "first-born"!
As a "first-born":
- I like to be in control.
- I like to KNOW what's going on.
- I like to take charge.
- I don't really like surprises.
- I am not very patient - I want things "yesterday".
God is working on me. I don't sweat the "small" stuff as much as I used to. I'm learning that HE is control, I AM NOT. I'm learning that He is in my tomorrow, I don't have to know what it holds until I get there. I'm learning that I am not in charge. I'm learning that surprises are o.k. . . . I really don't want/need to know the future (I'd NOT have wanted to know on November 4 what November 5 was going to hold . . . ). I'm getting to be a little more patient - waiting on God's timing. These are all a "work in progress" for sure, but in the words of a childhood song ♪♫ "He's still workin' on me, to make me what He wants to be"! ♫♪
When I took time off from my job in March, I realized some things. I realized that my job wasn't as "important" as I thought. I realized that maybe God was prodding me to make some changes. I realized that it was o.k. to move on - if God opened the doors for me to do so. I returned to work in April with no real plans to leave, but open to God's leading.
In June, I was made aware of a position that I could apply for at the hospital. I applied and didn't think much more of it. A few days later, I received a call to set up an interview. YIKES - I haven't gone to an interview in a very long time! What do I wear, what do I say, what will they ask? The interview was on June 8, and it seemed to go well. When I hadn't heard anything a week later, I was assuming I wasn't going to be offered the job, but I wasn't stressing about it. I was being PATIENT . . . me, who is NOT patient, I was truly resting in God's timing and plan! The call DID come and they offered me the position. It was a reduction in hours and a HUGE change, but I felt it was where God was leading me so I accepted the position and I turned in my resignation to school. While we were on vacation, I purchased health insurance as I wasn't going to be receiving it in my new position and I ordered a lime green "scrub" top which was my new uniform. :) Things were moving right along. We were coming home from vacation on July 6, and I had orientation on July 16, leaving me a week in between - PERFECT!!
On July 5, as we were driving home, just crossing the border into Kentucky, I received a phone call from the hospital. Due to circumstances beyond their control, the position that they had offered me was no longer available. They had to rescind the job offer and I would not be starting on July 16. This was highly unusual, and they were very sorry. All I really said was, "but, I already quit my other job!" . . . we chatted a bit more and ended the call with them promising to call me if there were other positions which I would be qualified to interview for. Typically this news would have sent me into a PANIC. I'm a single mom. I was already going out on a limb by reducing my hours and at least temporarily losing health insurance, and now, even that was gone. I was UNEMPLOYED! This was NOT going according to my plan. But, it wasn't/isn't really my plan, is it? I was not in a panic. I was actually pretty calm as I told the girls and said "God must have something better in store for me"! I did make a few phone calls, asked for some prayer for the situation, and continued our drive home . . . giving it all over to God.
Just as I figured I wasn't going to hear back from them as the work day was winding down, my phone rang, and there WAS a job that I could possibly "fit" into. Was I interested in coming in for an interview on Monday morning Why, yes, I'd LOVE that!
So after getting home, unpacking, doing LOADS of laundry, helping the girls get ready to go to Lake Lundgren, celebrating Tessa's Birthday, going to a graduation party, church and a family picnic, I had the interview on Monday morning. It all (again) seemed to go very well and the position sounded more intriguing to me than the previous one!
In the end, I was HIRED (again)! And, yes, God did have something better in mind. The "new" position has a few more hours than the other one, therefore, it has benefits. I totally forgot to ask the pay-scale, but when Human Resources called me to confirm the offer and my acceptance, I found that the pay was more than the previously offered position - and more than I was making at school . . . lesson learned? Don't sweat the small stuff. Or the big stuff. God is in control of ALL of the stuff! There are other "little" details too, that just "seal the deal" . . . the hospital has a deal for employee discounts on cell-phone plans - through my cell-phone company! The hospital offers incentives to people for working out/going to a fitness club (the "Y"/Anytime Fitness). In addition to health insurance, vision and dental insurance are available. The position DOES include evenings and weekends, but there is some flexibility, and I already know some of the girls who work in the department. I will be a "Registrar" at the front desk and in the E.R. Rather than being intimidated about returning to "that Emergency Room", I'm excited - God wants me there. He has a plan for me being there. He knows exactly where He "put" me. My job is to serve Him there! To "Bloom where I'm planted"! And, I'm STILL starting with orientation on July 16, just as originally planned!
How amazing that on that morning, my devotional read:
"You will never be in control of your life circumstances, but you can relax and trust in My control. Instead of striving for a predictable, safe lifestyle, seek to know Me in greater depth and breadth. I long to make your life a glorious adventure . . .!"
I certainly would not classify everything that has happened in the last 8 months to be "glorious". I certainly have learned though that it is true that I'm not in control of my life circumstances. My life has not been predictable. It has not felt safe. Yet through it all, I have sought to seek to know HIM in greater depth and breadth . . . and it has been an adventure. I may not fully see the "glorious-ness" of it until I get to Heaven, but, I will trust that all of it IS for HIS glory, therefore, becoming glorious!
So, if you didn't catch it above, the phone call telling me I was unemployed and the events that followed happened on JULY 5 . . . the 8 month mark of Rick's accident. The 5th, a day that is usually filled with some trepidation and fear and anxiety. A day that was already "ripe" for turmoil threw yet another "curve-ball" at me. But God (I have learned to love "but-God" statements!) had it all planned. He knew it was the 5th. HE knew that HE had bigger plans for me. HE knew that HIS plans were better than my plans. HE gave me a peace that passed understanding. HE had it all under control. He didn't need my help. And HE rewarded me with not just peace through that day and the weekend that followed until I could go to the interview, but HE rewarded me with something even better than I thought I was getting. Something better than I had hoped for. HE again showed me that He is in the details - the big ones and the little ones! He reminded me that I can rest in Him! He reminded me that wherever I am (crossing the border into Kentucky), whatever my circumstances (being unemployed - at least temporarily) He sees! He sees and I am NEVER beyond the reach of His care! Ah, I love Him so!
"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland" Isaiah 43:19