6/3/12

roller coasters . . .


I have NEVER been a fan of roller coasters!  I remember once, being at Six Flags Great America with Rick and actually CRYING in line because I didn't want to ride the roller coaster we were waiting for (I did and HATED it!) . . . 

So, as much as I dislike riding a roller coaster in an amusement park, I dislike even more when my emotions are a roller coaster!  

I didn't sleep well (at all) last night . . . I was SO NERVOUS about running 9 miles that I kept waking up thinking about it!  I woke up to my devotions that read in part, "When your focus is firmly on Me, My Peace displaces fears and worries . . ."    I'm sure that when Sarah Young was writing this devo, she wasn't exactly thinking of running a relay race, yet, how appropriate it was for me THIS morning!  "Now may the Lord of Peace Himself give you peace at all times and in every way."  2 Thessalonians 3:16

Today dawned sunny and beautiful - great weather for running!  And, really, it was an AMAZING day!  I'm SO THANKFUL that my former boss, Jason, asked me to be on the team that he was putting together!  My teammates were AWESOME! Thanks Jason (our driver), Linda (Jason's wife), Paul and Brad - it was a BLAST!  Thanks as well to Brad's wife Jenny for all the encouragement. Last night, Nick called and encouraged me, today, Tessa & Taya were in the support vehicle for another team and cheered me on, my mom & dad came up for the finish and Fred & Renee were there too!  Along with my "sister" Donna & so many other friends . . . It was an unbelievable day!

After running my 3 "legs", running in the last couple hundred yards with Linda (she was our anchor), along the starting lap & the finishing lap (which all 4 team members ran) and a lap around with Donna as she finished up the 5K portion of the day, i put in about 9.75 miles!  WHEW!

There is such a thing as a "Runner's High"! . . . And then I came home.  Alone.  CRASH.  Big Time.  OUCH.  It was one of those days when I looked around and said, "Why?".  Why, Lord?  Why us?  Why Rick? Why? Why? Why? It was one of those "looking around" times where I was in denial . . . really, this is real?  He really is gone?  He's never coming back?  CRASH.  OUCH.  YUCK!

"Now may the Lord of peach himself give you PEACE at all times and in EVERY way." . . . 

I pulled out a pool float, cranked the radio and floated . . . 

"The Hurt & The Healer"
by Mercy Me was one of the first songs I heard . . . 

Why?
The question that is never far away
The healing doesn't come from the explained
Jesus please don't let this go in vain
You're all I have
All that remains

So here I am
What's left of me
Where glory meets my suffering

I'm alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I've fallen into Your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

Breathe
Sometimes I feel it's all that I can do
Pain so deep that I can hardly move
Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You
Lord take hold and pull me through

So here I am
What's left of me
Where glory meets my suffering

I'm alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I've fallen into your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

It's the moment when humanity
Is overcome by majesty
when grace is ushered in for good
And all our scars are understood
When mercy takes its rightful place 
And all these questions fade away
When out of the weakness we must bow
And hear you say "It's over now"

I'm alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I've fallen into your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

Jesus come and break my fear
Awake my heart and take my tears
find Your glory even here
When the hurt and the healer collide

Ah-ha . . . God met me . . . floating in the swimming pool listening to the radio!  The lyrics to a song reminding me that my HURT and the HEALER do collide.  He hears my hurt.  He feels my hurt.  He understands my hurt.  I'm not "alone", ever.  Even when I feel TOTALLY alone . . . aaahhhhh!

And after that, I fell asleep . . . floating in the pool . . . enjoying the sunshine warming me . . . relaxing into the arms that were open wide . . . where the hurt and the Healer collided.



We ended the night sitting out by the bonfire.  Enjoying each other's company.  Visiting with the girls friends and my mom and dad.  Yes, a BIG PART of "me" was missing.  The other half of me was missing.  And oh, yes, I missed him today.  So bad it HURT.  But, God rescued me, He whispered HIS peace to me . . . at all times, in every way!

(but, I still don't like roller coasters - the real ones or the emotional ones!)

2 comments:

  1. Roller Coasters: Somedays I wonder, Sheila, if we Ever. Get. Off.!!!!

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    Replies
    1. I know!! But SO THANKFUL to have met friends walking the same road who totally get it...even the roller coaster moods that really can change as quickly as the twists and turns on a real roller coaster do!

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