today . . .
today actually started LAST NIGHT . . .
Last night I realized sleep wasn't visiting me as it should be. By that time, it was 11:00 p.m. - to late to take a Tylenol p.m. or Unisom . . . so, off to bed without any (I wanted to be able to wake up for work without being in a fog)! Of course, because I KNEW that, and went to bed THINKING I wouldn't sleep good, I didn't! Frustrating, yes. But, even in the restlessness of the dark of night, it was o.k. I had time to pray. To pray for a friend who was recently diagnosed with cancer (surgery was Monday and the prognosis is good). To pray for another friend who buried her Mama this past weekend. To pray for another friend who was in a motorcycle accident in July - and still needs 100% care at a nursing home. To pray for so many other needs that are out there - besides just my own. I covet times of praying more now. I realize how much I've not been a faithful "pray-er" for other's needs in the past. I want to do better. I want to be remembered as a pray-er, an encourager. Someone who relied on God, not just for her own needs, but joyfully bringing other's needs to the throne of grace!
So, morning came - too early - because I didn't sleep well and because my iPad clock decided in the middle of the night to change to "New York" time - which in case you didn't know is AN HOUR AHEAD OF US! So instead of a 6:15 alarm, I got a 5:15 alarm - on a lack of sleep!! Extra time for devos, some facebook time and a little bit of reading - even in that - there was goodness - the quiet of the house in the early morning is nice! Rick would have chuckled about the time "switch". I wished I could have shared it with him. I miss him.
Work was, well, work. It was just one of those days. Everyone seemed crabby (at least to me), I felt stressed. I didn't feel the best. U.G.H.! Glad there was an early dismissal! I felt "alone". I wanted to tell Rick - call him/text him. I miss him.
Despite not feeling well, Taya & I ran to town as the NEW SNOW SHOVELS that I bought LAST WINTER are NO WHERE TO BE FOUND....I have no idea what happened to them! I looked EVERYWHERE I can think of - the barn, the back shed, the garage, the basement. No where. I want to ask Rick where they are. I miss him.
Even thought I didn't feel good. I got on the treadmill - and walked 2 miles and ran a 3rd at the end - exercise does help work out some stress! I wanted to tell Rick that I ran that 3rd mile. I miss him.
See a theme tonight? Yes, I.miss.him. Plain and simple. No other way to say it. Yet, even in the missing that seemed sharper today than in many days. God reached down. He gave me songs that ministered to me He gave me "satisfaction" to my sweet tooth (a friend I graduated with and his girlfriend baked cinnamon rolls and sent a pan to school for me - and they were PHENOMENAL!). I ordered a bowl of soup for lunch. When Melanie (my bosses wife, owner of the sweets shop we order lunch from, Tessa's boss . . . ) sent the soup over for me (cheddar broccoli - the broccoli makes it healthy, right?), she added a "treat" - a cookie dough brownie. It's those "little" things that truly make my day. Just that reminder that someone else remembers that even thought it's "already" been 2+ months, it's also "only" just 2 + months. I know other's lives HAVE to move on, but it's so sweet to get those little reminders that others, though they have their own lives to live, take a moment to bless me (us - the girls enjoyed the cinnamon rolls too!). Then, there was the list of "Top 10 "bookmarked" Bible Verses that were listed on the "YouVersion" Bible of my phone. Some of them were my FAVORITE verses . . . but listed there, for me to read through AGAIN. The Proverbs 31 BLOG I read was written today by a WIDOW. Coincidence? I think not! Another BLOG I read was written just FOR me, and could have been BY me. I'm tired tonight after last night's lack of sleep, so rather than quote parts of these girl's blogs, I've linked to them if you care to look. Just click on the highlighted word (s) BLOG above and you will be directed to Proverbs 31 and A Widow's Might. Both really great reads (at least for me!).
After Youth Group tonight, Taya put a picture which she "captioned" Because He did this for me, I will do anything for Him" on her facebook wall:
Wow, from the mouth of a "child"! And WHAT a way to look at it. What is your "Anything" that you will do for him? Right now, for Him, I will "bravely" walk this journey (not in bravery of myself, but "bravery" that He gives to me). For Him, I will NOT turn my back on Him and His love for us. For Him, I will keep telling people of Rick's love for the Lord, and of our ASSURANCE of where Rick is today! For Him, I will keep the cross before me, the world behind me (even thought I have to re-focus on THAT many times a day)!
Tonight, as I shared my lonlieness with 2 of the girls who have "been there" for me in big and little ways EVERY SINGLE day of this journey, they both responded in awesome ways - that made me smile - and Thank God that He has given me such supportive, loving friends!! First was my cousin, Liz. When I told her I missed Rick and just wanted to tell him about my "day", she told me to go home and tell him, and then tell HIM!! :) Good reminder! And then Donna, responding the the same comment from me, replied, Sorry . . . praying lots for you. For you, I wish he was here (and the girls, and Jim (Donna's husband, who Rick worked with) and . . .), but when I think of him in Heaven I can't help but smile." And neither can I?! With that knowledge, and great friends like that, how can I not smile?! I can still miss, I can still feel lonely, I can still feel overwhelmed . . . but (as someone told me yesterday), I CAN maintain a positive attitude . . . Because HE controls My emotions (when I ALLOW Him to!)!
"GOD TAKES OUR SUFFERING SO SERIOUSLY, THAT HE TOOK IT UPON HIMSELF ON THE CROSS!"