(:    ♥    :)
Today was again a Saturday.
I am ready for bed and can say it was a GOOD day.
It was actually a VERY GOOD day!  The memories still come - in waves - but the waves aren't as big.  They don't threaten to take me under as easily.  I'm quicker to reach out to GOD and let HIM calm the storm that rages.
I am learning.  I am learning to lean on HIM for each moment.  And, HE gives peace!

He has blessed me so richly.  I have the greatest kids (and their friends) ever!  (o.k., I KNOW I'm biased, but really, they are great kids!)  I have enjoyed today just "being" with them, laughing and teasing and attending a concert.  Being silly and "normal" and living and laughing and loving . . . TOGETHER! ♥

This morning, my "Jesus Calling" devo contained these thoughts:

Your security rests in Me alone-not in other people, not in circumstances.  Depending only on Me may feel like walking on a tightrope, but there is a safety net underneath;  the everlasting arms.  So don't be afraid of falling.  Instead, look ahead to Me.  I am always before you, beckoning you on - one step at a time!

Ah, again, a reference to a word picture I already have in my mind - God going before me - but just ONE STEP, not so far that I have to chase him, just far enough to prepare the path . . . one step at a time!

Tonight, we went to the "God's Not Dead" tour with The Newsboys, City Harmonic, Abandon, Anthem Lights and Shaun Groves.  It was absolutely AMZAING!  At one point, the lead singer/speaker of The Newsboys said (and this is my paraphrase), there is a point in everyone's life where they KNOW there is a God or they turn away from the fact there is a God (he was referring to his journey when his sister died of AIDS).  And, I could totally relate to that statement.  I accepted Christ as my personal Savior when I was a little girl - I remember it CLEARLY.  I married Rick with God as the center of our marriage (we had a song played at our wedding that said, "It's not that I love you less than best, cuz each day I love you more, and more and more, but there can only be one first place in my heart, and you know who that's for, MY LORD, My Lord, Jesus is number One in my life, so second place will have to do for you, but I'm countin' on spendin' the rest of my life in love with the two of you!).  We had our girls dedicated to the Lord after they were born, we were all baptized, making a public declaration of our faith in Jesus Christ.  Yet, my life, up until 11 weeks ago was pretty "cushy".  I had not ever faced a "real" major crisis.  Life had been pretty predictable, smooth and easy.  We had survived some health scares with my dad's heart attack, and his mom and dad's battles with cancer - but even in those, we saw God's healing hand, and mercies in granting renewed health to our parents.  I often thought of how blessed we were.  How our families HAD been spared from "disease" and "tragedy".  And then November 5, 2011 came. . . . and at that point, that moment when I knew that Rick was no longer here with us on earth, I HAD TO MAKE A DECISION . . . either I believed everything I claimed to believe or I didn't.  One way or another.  It CAN'T be both.  If I believed that God had granted that healing to our parents, if I believed that God had given us ALL the blessings that we had been given, if I believed that God was the one who had made my life, to that point, fairly "easy", I had to also believe that the SAME GOD had allowed this into my life.  I had to either trust HIM or turn from HIM.  I'm so thankful I chose to TRUST!

It has not been an easy 11 weeks.  The next 11 weeks won't be easy.  We will always miss Rick.  I will always wonder why (I do believe there is a difference between "wondering" why and "demanding" an answer to the why).  I may NEVER know the why until I reach Heaven's gates myself, but until then, I MUST be a good steward of this road in life I've been asked to walk.  I must be faithful to the God whom I trust.  And, with HIS help, I will do just that!  I will continue to turn TO not FROM Him.  I will continue to Praise His name, not deny it.  I will continue to remember that  . . .  Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 8:39

My God's not dead
He's surely alive
He's living on the inside
Roaring like a lion!

Let Heaven roar 
And fire fall
Come shake the ground
With the sound of revival

My God's not dead
He's surely alive
He's living on the inside
Roaring like a lion!

-Newsboys-
God's Not Dead Tour - 2012

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