2/5/12

...3 months...



3 months . . . 13 weeks . . . 92 days . . . 

3 months . . .

1/4 of a year . . . 

1/2 of the football season . . . 

a marking period (+ a little extra) at school . . . 

the length of summer vacation . . . 

amazing how differently I now measure time . . . 

3 months . . . 3 months since "that day"

3 months . . . 3 months since life as I knew it changed forever

3 months . . . 3 months since I learned to FULLY trust on GOD . . . because HE was ALL I had to hold on to

3 months . . . 3 months since I have really realized what AMAZING kids I have (all 5 of them and their spouses)

3 months . . . 3 months since Rickey entered in to HEAVEN's GLORIES and his FOREVER home . . . 

So, today as I mark this, yet another anniversary I never wanted to mark at this point in my life, I remember that on that day, 3 months ago, Jesus called and Rickey listened - he went HOME.

Today, as we mark this anniversary, I still wish things were different.  I wish the 5th of the month would come and go with no meaning to me other than the number 5.  But, it never will.  It will always be a marker of time.

3 months . . . it seems a "milestone" of sorts.  We have survived 3 months.  We are stronger today than we were a month ago, two months ago, THREE months ago.

As on Saturdays, I re-live the events of November 5th when the 5th of the month arrives.  Yet, God does help to soften the memories.  They are still there.  They still cause my heart to skip a beat.  They still cause me the same unbelief that I felt that day. Yet, my heartbeat returns to normal a little sooner, the sharp edge of unbelief doesn't take hold and strangle for as long.  GOD calms the storm ... again.

Today, my sister-in-law asked me why I hadn't been posting here.  On Friday, it was homecoming, I'm the student council advisor, so I left home at 7:00 (ish) a.m. and didn't get home until after midnight - I was exhaused!  Yesterday was a Saturday, but it was an o.k. day, I did a little shopping with Taya and we just relaxed and watched a movie last night . . . Writing IS good therapy for me, but I also think it's a sign that I AM healing when I don't HAVE to write every night.  It's a sign that life IS moving ahead - as I know Rick would want it to.  The loving, the longing, the missing, they are all still there, but I am moving forward, one step at a time!  God is guiding the journey!

Today, my morning devo read in part (paraphrased by me): 'Ask me to order  your day and control your thoughts, for the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace . . . trust Me, though the earth give way and the mountais fall into the heart of the sea".  God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea.  Psalm 46:1-2

That is what I have to do many times each day . . . LET HIM ORDER MY THOUGHTS . . . and it's a daily battle, yet, when I let HIM control my mind, my days are much more peaceful!

Today at church, I again took Rick's job as greeter.  It gets easier each Sunday and it feels good, it feels "right", I think Rick would be very happy!  I also got to help in the nursery and spent part of the morning with a sweet little baby boy asleep in my arms. ♥

We received a couple of invitations for the Super Bowl and ended up going to my cousin and his wife's house.  The girls only stayed through part of the second quarter (I can't believe that not one of them is a football fan!), but I stayed until the end and cheered on the GIANTS to their win!  At least the last 2 minutes of the game were exciting!

As I look back over three months, the lyrics of the Andre Crouch song keep coming to mind:

I've had many tears and sorrows,
I've had questions for tomorrow,
there's been times I didn't know right from wrong,
But in every situation
God gave me blessed consolation,
that my trials come to only make me strong.

Through it all,
through it all,
I've learned to trust in Jesus,
I've learned to trust in God.

Through it all,
Through it all,
I've learned to depend upon His Word!

I've been to lots of places,
I've seen a lot of faces,
there've been times I've felt so all alone,
but in my lonely hours,
yes, those PRECIOUS lonely hours,
Jesus let me know that I was His own!


Through it all,

through it all,
I've learned to trust in Jesus,
I've learned to trust in God.

Through it all,
Through it all,
I've learned to depend upon His Word!

I thank God for the mountains,
and I thank Him for the valleys,
I thank Him for the storms He's brought me through,
for if I'd never had a problem,
I'd never know that He could solve them,
I'd never know what faith in God could do!

And you know, it is true.  My faith in the LORD would NOT be as strong as it is if we hadn't gone through this trial.  I sure have had tears and sorrows, and questions for tomorrow.  I have had times I've felt TOTALLY ALONE . . . except for HIM.  When HE was all that was left, HE proved that HE is enough.  I CAN thank Him for the valleys, and the storms He's brought (is still bringing) me through . . . 

Yes, I have learned to trust in Jesus, I've learned to depend on His Word! ♥

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