... Tonight we were at a basketball game. In a gym that was pretty FULL of people. Tessa and some of her friends (Cody, Katie, Brigette), Taya and some of hers (Savannah, Rachel, Kaye), Kajsa, Daila & Maddie were sitting all around me. My wonderful, sweet cousins from the team we were playing were in the gym-I visited with and got hugs from most of them . . . but, I felt like I was there all ALONE.
I'm NOT making this statement to ask for pity. I'm just making a statement. I did mention early on in writing here that it wouldn't always be pretty! So, as I sat in a gym filled with 100's of people, including those I love the MOST here on earth, I felt alone. I've sat alone at games "before". But, "before" Rick was a text away. Or a phone call away. He was waiting at home, opening the door for us when we got there. He worried along with me about Tessa driving home on the slippery roads. He was HERE, I wasn't ALONE . . .
It's interesting that I woke up today feeling that "alone-ness" and one of my devotionals had this quote by Tim Hansel:
"Loneliness is not a time of abandonment...it just feels that way. It's actually a time of encounter at new levels with the only One who can fill that empty place in our hearts"!
My "Jesus Calling" devotional had this line in today's reading,
"I want you to embrace all that I am doing in your life, finding your security in Me alone."
Two different readings, two very similar thoughts. ONLY One can fill the EMPTY place in my heart . . . find your security in HIM alone . . .! I also read over on LEAH's blog today, the guest post from Danita, she said she misses, "being part of a team, being a "we" instead of an I". So, I'm not ALONE (He is always with me!) and, I'm not "alone", others have felt this same way. It doesn't take the loneliness away, but it sure helps to know that it's not "just me"!
As if all that was not ENOUGH, I opened my e-mail today, and part of one of the messages read:
"After reading your blog, I wanted to share this with you ("Modern Widows Club") as you are very well written and your inspirational story including your amazing daughters, may very well help others if you were to share it. Just a thought."
That would be incredibly encouraging coming from anyone, but it didn't come from "just anyone" . . . it came from Susan Kingsbury . . . as in the sister of my absolute FAVORITE author, KAREN KINGSBURY!! Back in December, I had sent an e-mail thanking Karen for her books. I shared that I read them, my Mom read them, Tessa read them and had gotten Taya hooked on them as well. I NEVER expected an answer, especially not one so personal, yet today, when I was feeling ALONE, I got a very personal response, not a "canned" automated one. ANOTHER proof, that I'm NOT alone, HE will NEVER leave me or forsake me!
Tonight as I get ready for bed, my little girl next to me, the big girls in the living room with our precious grandbabies (Daila & Maddie), and Cody visiting for the weekend, I do still feel alone . . . but, why shouldn't I? My best friend of 20+ years isn't here with me. Life has taken a totally unexpected turn. The ONE person who knew me inside and out isn't here tonight. So, it's o.k. to feel "alone". It is part of this journey I am on. God will be here. God will fill the empty spots. God will smooth the rough edges . . . I will miss Rick. I will miss the companionship. I will miss being someone's "priority". But, God reminds me, daily (sometimes moment by moment) . . .
I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU OR FORSAKE YOU !
So, even when I'm "feeling" alone, I'm not, I'm never really ALONE, because the God of the UNIVERSE has promised to NEVER leave me or forsake me!
♥ W.O.W.! ♥