He KNOWS me, He LOVES me, He has a PLAN for me!

4 months . . . 

1/3 of a year . . . 

4 months ago this morning, I woke up to my BEST FRIEND leaning over me to softly give me a kiss on the cheek before he headed out to finish up a side job he was working on.  He wanted to finish it in time for us to go up to my Dad's camp for noon.  He wanted to finish it up so it would be done for HUNTING SEASON.  So he got up early, quietly got ready and softly and gently kissed me on the cheek . . . . 

12 hours later, I was sitting in the living room, stunned, with the computer on my lap as I "penned" his obituary . . . . 

HE knows me.
HE loves me.
HE has a plan for me.

Little did I know that 4 months ago, HIS plan for my life would VEER so strongly off of the course I had planned for my life.

HE knows me.
HE loves me.
HE has a plan for me.


He KNOWS me...

"And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered" . . . Matthew 10:30


He LOVES me...

  ♪♫♪♫   "Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so" ♪♫♪♫


He has a PLAN for me...

"For I know the plans I have for you."  Jeremiah 29:11


Do I understand this plan?  NO!  Do I believe he LOVES me?  YES  Do I believe he KNOWS me?  YES!  

...Though many things feel random and wrong, remember that I am sovereign over EVERYTHING . . . I can fit everything into a pattern for good, but only to the extent that you trust me . . . the CHOICE is up to you, and you will have to choose many times each day whether to trust Me or defy me.   ~  Jesus Calling

I think I've mentioned before that it is a CHOICE.
I had a CHOICE in the E.R. 4 months ago . . . BELIEVE Rick was in Heaven or not.  I chose to believe!  Daily, hourly, moment by moment, I have to CHOOSE to believe and TRUST . . . and some days, it's tough.

Today was tough.  This is the kind of anniversary is not the kind of anniversary I WANT to be marking time with, yet, I am.  

Today was 4 months.

As I put my blinker on to turn off of the highway for work this morning, I had to stop and wait for oncoming traffic . . . A RED FORD PICKUP TRUCK . . . OUCH!  Lord, I CHOOSE to look to YOU today.

The phone rang, I looked at the caller ID, the name and number were TOO FAMILIAR . . . it was the police officer who came to my home that day . . . and who visited all of our family, notifying them of Rick's accident.  But, this is a SMALL town, it wasn't "just" the officer, he's a family friend.  Rick, Jim & Tony built his house.  Rick went fishing with him.  Our kids swam with his kids in their pool.  We watched the fireworks from his front porch . . . Lord, I CHOOSE to give my anxieties to YOU today.

Tessa had to go to the orthodontist today, shortly after she left, some of the boys who are on the volunteer fire department raced out - they had gotten a fire call . . . as irrational as it was, I worried they were responding to a car crash, and of course my mind had me convinced it was Tessa . . . because it's the 5th of the month and bad things happen on the 5th . . . it wasn't Tessa and it wasn't a bad fire - it was a controlled burn and Tessa made it safely to the ortho and back!  Lord,  I'm TRYING to give it all over to you!

The "officer" mentioned above stopped in at my office later this afternoon . . . in UNIFORM . . . OUCH . . . the same officer who hugged me as he told me "there's been an accident" . . . 4 months ago today.  Lord, Lord, I'm TRYING Lord, but this is hard!

I went to what was the last basketball of the season (Districts and we lost) tonight.  And sat "alone" in a gym full of people again tonight.  Lord, THANK YOU that you NEVER leave me or forsake me!

Driving home, I was following a pickup truck, with an AMERICAN FLAG and EAGLE in the back window (yep, you guessed it . . . that was in the back window of Rick's truck) . . . LORD, really, don't you remember what day it is????  I'm CHOOSING to trust, but can it stop now?

Pulling in the driveway, I grabbed the mail . . . something must have been coded wrong, a STILL OUTSTANDING E.R. bill was DENIED PAYMENT . . . now I have to appeal . . . LORD, WHAT ARE YOU TEACHING ME TODAY??

"Be still my child.  Be still and KNOW.  I know you.  I love you, I have a plan for you."

Yes, moment by moment, I have to CHOOSE to trust . . . maybe my senses were too "keen" today . . . maybe I put too much into the fact that it was the 5th of the month . . . maybe not . . . either way, I STILL had to CHOOSE.  I had to CHOOSE to believe that each and every incident that came into my life today was orchestrated by a LOVING GOD, or was just random "coincidence".  Even though it was a 'tough" day, I CHOOSE to believe that each and every moment of today and each and every day - including EVERY MOMENT of November 5, WAS orchestrated by a LOVING GOD because . . . 


"We are assured and know that all things work together and are for good to and for hose who love God and are called according to His design and purpose"  Romans 8:28

4 months ago, I never dreamed I'd be blogging about the lessons God has been teaching me, the love I still have for Rick, the challenges of being a single mom, the LOVE God has for HIS children, the HOPE that sustains me, yet here I am.  Trying as best I know how to share Rick's legacy . . . praying that as I do, GOD will be GLORIFIED, asking that you "vote" for my blog to stay in the "Top 25" so HIS PLAN FOR US can be shared with more people, so that maybe, someday, someone reading here will get to meet Rick in Heaven as they meet their Lord and Savior FACE TO FACE!

My husband has changed his address to HEAVEN, but someday we'll be reunited when my earthly journey is done.  Until then, I focus on completing what God has for me to do here! (borrowed from a Facebook status)

"For I KNOW the plans I have for you . . . plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans to give you HOPE and a future"

1 comment:

  1. Sheila,
    You are already bringing glory to the God Who loves you so! As you share your daily struggles, it is oh so obvious, from where you gather your strength. You are a shining example of trusting the Lord in the midst of the storm.

    I fully understand the heart-stopping triggers. I experience them with every emerald green pick-up truck, each deer sighting, each camo-clad hunter and of course I could go on and on. The most recent one set me reeling as i saw a sideview of a driver who looked just like my Buck. It took 15 minutes for that wave to wash over me.

    The anniversaries are extra hard. My heart goes out to you. But I am so proud of you as my sister in the Lord and how you so freely proclaim the source of your strength. We're all going to make it because we are clinging to Him and because "He has a plan for us". Keep on, keeping on; you are a shining light, dear one!

    I have been voting for your blog as often as I remember. I would be a blessing if your testimony could be shared with a wider audience.


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