I hope the above is true of me . . . I pray I CAN learn these lessons through this "grief process" . . .
But, I'm still going through it . . . and it stinks!
This week was a tough week, and I "heard" some comments about "where I am" that didn't set well with me. To be TOTALLY honest, my struggles lately have been more with "people" - people who not only don't "get it", but who seem not to care about HOW DEEP a loss like we've gone through cuts. About how it affects EVERY SINGLE aspect of EVERY SINGLE moment of EVERY SINGLE day. And I'm sorry, but unless you have experienced it, PLEASE don't compare the death of a Daddy/husband to ANYTHING that life is throwing at you (unless it is the loss of a loved one yourself) - there is not a comparison! (Remember, I warned at the beginning of my blogging that some times it wouldn't be "pretty")!
Today, I found this quote though, and it helped put things into perspective JUST A LITTLE BIT . . .
Grief is a solitary journey. No one but you knows how great the hurt is. No one but you can know the gaping hole left in your life when someone you love has died. And no one but you can mourn the silence that was once filled with laughter and song. It is the nature of love and death to touch every person in a totally unique way. ~ Author Unknown
So, when I'm told that someone "knows" that I'm "overwhelmed and frustrated", I have to just realize that they CAN'T "get it" . . .
But, just a "hint" . . .
- Overwhelmed and frustrated is when my checkbook doesn't balance!
- Overwhelmed and frustrated is when I forget the water running in the kitchen sink and it overflows onto the counter and floor!
- Overwhelmed and frustrated is when I forget to put gas in the car and worry that I might not make it to the gas station with the amount I have left!
- Overwhelmed and frustrated is when I have deadlines at work that are past due and I'm not sure how and when I can catch up!
- Overwhelmed and frustrated is when I can't find the snow shovels and a snow storm is predicted - or the battery for the lawnmower and the grass is going to start to grow - but thanks to my Dad, that one was solved!
- Overwhelmed and frustrated is when I realize that I'm not doing all I should for my precious girls because I'm overwhelmed and frustrated!
- Overwhelmed and frustrated is even when the hospital kept sending bills that I KNEW the insurance was supposed to pay - and that would have been paid if they were sent to the right insurance company and coded properly! (and these issues WERE fixed by a WONDERFUL billing clerk at the hospital!)
Though "GRIEF" may be Overwhelming and Frustrating . . . it is SO MUCH more than that . . . and fortunately, most people don't have to experience it in this way at this age. But, I do. My girls do. And it is SO MUCH more than Overwhelming and Frustrating . . . so please, try to be patient . . . we're doin' it, day by day, but there is no right or wrong way. It hits in waves and at the strangest times. Some days it is "almost" invisible and some days it is the elephant in the room. I'm hoping that in reading here - even on the nights it's not "pretty", you can learn along with me. That if you are reading here, you want to journey WITH me/us, and that through some of what I share, pretty or not, you AND I can learn to LOVE people better, and be there for others when they need us!
My first day "off" of work was a good day overall! I didn't get a THING done in the house that I thought I would, instead I just "vegged" . . . did some pretty mindless Facebook surfing, did a little bit of laundry and took a 13.2 mile bike ride (that's a 1/2 marathon bike ride!). So, it was a good day - a day where I let the "pressures" of what "needed" to be done just "be" . . . the house is a wreck, the sink is full of dishes as is the dishwasher, there are piles of laundry and goodwill piles all over my bedroom floor along with the beginnings of my packing for next week, but, it's o.k.! I took the day to just "be" and it was good! I listened to some AWESOME Christian music on my bike ride, I read some blogs and such on grieving - from people who have gone/are going through it. God was GOOD - as always! So again tomorrow, as today, and all the days before, I will continue to CHOOSE to trust in His goodness . . . because He cares for me!
1 Peter 5:7 - Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.
2 Chronicles 15:7 - As for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded!